Of The Troops, For The Troops...

This got started by a comment I left @ http://www.alphecca.com/... The quote that inspired it...

"The Jews have a wonderful tradition of (during Passover) opening the front door, and leaving a dinner plate with food (wine?) for the ghost of the prophet Elijah. Tomorrow, when you have your barbecue, leave a seat, a place-setting for the spirit of a fallen soldier."

...One of Ol' Lady's friends brought her new beau over for burgers and beer today. Back from Iraq a couple of months ago and set to go back in May 07. He's 24, and either I'm getting old or he looks like a kid. A kid that got "Blowed-Up, Sir!" by an IED in a hummvee while riding shotgun on convoy duty. The IED went off RIGHT OUTSIDE HIS DOOR!!! Said he went ass over tea-kettle and wound up up-side down in the back. He got himself un-screwed and then un-assed himself, his buddies and their gear and weapons and got them set up in a defensive position to return fire.

Did I mention he REALLY looks like a kid??

I saw a pic of the DESTROYED hummvee (friggin' miracle anything survived) and video he made of his unit setting off IED's they'd find.

I thought my heart was gonna jump outta my chest with pride at the chance to spend time in this young warrior's presence and it was my HONOR to feed him burgers and canned porkchops 'til he was ready to bust at the seams and have him stretch out on the couch in a post-gorge lull...

(but I think 3 cheese burgers with the works and a plate of cheese-burger hamburger helper, his two favorite foods, would tend to zonk out most anybody...)

I'm gonna swap e-mail addresses and try to get his permission to post his vids and pix here. (if I can figger it out...) What I little I saw of his vids blew me away and I'm sure "from the horses mouth" material will knock your socks off too... And, while I hope something works out so The War doesn't take him away again, but if it does, I hope to stay in touch with him and be able to provide updates and contact info, cause these guys need to know that while the patchouli-smelling, I-Hate-America hippies and politicians are getting all the press, REAL AMERICANS support them 1010%!!!

And my thanks to ALL the troops, past and present, out there doing the job of keeping us all free (even the ungrateful bastages that don't deserve to breathe the same air as JMFL does).

How Gun Magazines Write Articles...

(found on The Ox Rant blogsite...)

Instruction From The Editor To The Journalist:

"Frangible Arms just bought a four page color ad in our next issue. They sent us their latest offering, the CQB MK-V Tactical Destroyer. I told Fred to take it out to the range to test. He'll have the data for you tomorrow."


Feedback From Technician Fred:

"The pistol is a crude copy of the World War II Japanese Nambu type 14 pistol, except it's made from unfinished zinc castings. The grips are pressed cardboard. The barrel is unrifled pipe. There are file marks all over the gun, inside and out.

Only 10 rounds of 8mm ammunition were supplied. Based on previous experience with a genuine Nambu, I set up a target two feet down range. I managed to cram four rounds in the magazine and one in the chamber. I taped the magazine in place, bolted the pistol into a machine rest, got behind a barricade, and pulled the trigger with 20 feet of 550 cord. I was unable to measure the trigger pull because my fish scale tops out at 32 pounds. On the third try, the pistol fired. From outline of the holes, I think the barrel, frame, magazine, trigger and recoil spring blew through the target. The remaining parts scattered over the landscape.

I sent the machine rest back to the factory to see if they can fix it, and we need to replace the shooting bench for the nice people who own the range. I'll be off for the rest of the day. My ears are still ringing. I need a drink."


Article Produced By The Journalist:

"The CQB MK-V Tactical Destroyer is arguably the deadliest pistol in the world. Based on a combat proven military design, but constructed almost entirely of space age alloy, it features a remarkable barrel design engineered to produce a cone of fire, a feature much valued by Special Forces world wide. The Destroyer shows clear evidence of extensive hand fitting. The weapon disassembles rapidly without tools. At a reasonable combat distance, I put five holes in the target faster than I would have thought possible. This is the pistol to have if you want to end a gunfight at all costs. The gun is a keeper, and I find myself unable to send it back."
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I guess this explains why I when I browse the gun mags at wally-world, I rarely find anything about Ruger, unless it's a new product. But, let the eleventy-billionth 1911-clone come out with the newest "Go-Faster, weigh-more, looks-good-on-film, ain't worth a cat-turd Gadget" pre-installed from the factory, (HQ in Korea... Yes Kimber, I'm pointing at you...) then it's "THE GREATEST THING SINCE PRE-SLICED BLUE-BERRY ENGLISH MUFFINS!!! Just what you need to piss-away that $2500 that's burning a hole in your pocket on. For concealed carry it's just the thing if you don't mind looking like you just shoved a box of Burger Helper down your pants from the bulge in your belt."

I guess Ruger just makes excellent arms and because if it ain't broke they don't fix it, what rolls out the door tends to be a quality product, they don't have to go with "Flash-in-the-pan OOO, lookit me now, see what I did, here's some free samples for you and your buddies, and because we know you wouldn't want us to stop sending you freebies, you guys will make this latest polish-job sound like the next best thing to a Phaser.... Your gun pusher, (insert 1911-cloner here..)

I never find anything about how many times they are passed down through generations, shooting as good as Day One (the clones... I recently ran across a story of a guy who inherited his Grand-Dad's 1911 from WWI. Been locked and loaded 80+ years. Dude stripped and checked and lubed it, then reloaded it and went to the range. Went thru the whole mag of WWI ammo w/o a hitch. Don't remember if it was a Colt or a Springfield, but a good many Troops have come home thanks to their 1911's, so those two don't count...)

Every Ruger I've had has been like a hammer... You pick it up and it works. Period. And with one exception, (a WHIPPED 10-22, but it still hit what I aimed at, just not in the same spot each time, but close enough to put meat in the pot...) they have all shot better than I can.

The FIRST TIME EVER firing off the P90 .45ACP (first time firing ANY pistol in around 17 years..), I hit a torso sized tree stump in what would be the "heart" on a torso target at 100 yds. At "gunfight" ranges, (i.e. across the room...) I can put all 8 rounds into a circle the size of the top of a coffee can (i.e. the size of a human heart or head...) Why does anybody need a pistol that costs 2-6X as much but can't shoot much better than that?? Not me.... (BTW, the only "rest" I had was the 2-handed grip I held the pistol with.)

Of course, if any of the Big-Shot Gun-Makers wanna send me freebies to test against The P90, to prove their gun is worth more than the Kelly Blue Book value of my car, I welcome them to send it on... I know exactly where that stump is at on my Uncle's property

Garden Blogging 2

Culled out several non-hack pepper plants today and repotted eight plants that showed promise... (i.e. deep sixed non-fruiting plants and re-potted those w/ blooms)

Wound up with three each jalapeno, cayenne and long red chile pepper plants and four habanero plants. (all of which had small fruits on them)

Did some research and found out that my tomato plants had WAY too many leaves and needed a major pruning. Got out the shears and lopped off about 70% of the greenery and as a result, the BeefBastards have started blooming like an idiot. (basically coming back from the dead...)

After re-potting the Roma's and giving them a High and Tight, they are blooming and fruiting like crazy... I'm looking forward to the maranara those bad boys are gonna make.... (MMMMMM, Lasagne...)

Next time, I should go bigger with some corn and beans and taters and yadda-yadda, and hoo-haw, but I'd have to get cattle watering tubs from Tractor Supply to plant the big shit in and I've already spent too much coin on this garden.

I could till up the yard and prep the soil and plant a garden and spend the rest of the season tilling and weeding, or I could stay small and only have to pull a few weeds every week outta my pots... (till, till, till, weed,weed,weed, VS. pull 3-6 half-inch tall weeds outta my pots every week..??? hmmmmm?? Monty, I'll take door number two...)

The More Things Change...

Rented "The Great Raid" last night and all I can say is (if I may paraphrase Tony) IT'S GRRRRREAT!! Do yourself a favor and get this flik. In case you don't know what it's about, it's the story of the 6th Ranger Battalion's rescue of American and Filipino Bataan Death March survivors from the Japanese Cabanatuan Death Camp.

Why in the name of Thor's testicles can't WhollyWeird make more movies like this instead of the drivel and remakes of remakes that they've been churning out the past few years?? (The Omen, coming out on, get this, 6-6-06. Nigga, please...) Hells Bells, they're re-making movies that were made in MY lifetime. Like many, many others I am convinced that the "idea well" has gone dry.

The history of World War II is chock-full of amazing stories of brave men overcoming impossible odds like in "The Great Raid", but I guess movies about how America Rules and The Rest of the World Drools ain't politically correct... (and not very profitable, "Raid" took in just over $10 million domestic and just shy of $600k foreign total... I guess The Rest of The World doesn't like to be reminded just how limp it's collective dick is...)

In the special features part there is an "Interactive Timeline" of WWII, and while going through it I noticed there were several things similar to some of the stories that have been in the news the past decade or so... (some minor re-wording and update the cast and dates and you have today's headlines:

Dec 12 1937 - Japanese Navy bombers sink the USS Panay, a 450-ton gunboat on China's Yangtze River near Nanking. Survivors swimming for shore are machine-gunned. Two American Sailors are killed and seventeen others seriously wounded.

Dec 13 1937 - President Franklin D. Roosevelt expresses the proper amount of public indignation, but to avoid a major conflict in the far East, he merely accuses the Japanese of "Reckless Flying."

(Of course, no one was machine-gunned, but remember the WTC bombing and Clinton's under-whelming reaction??)
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Jan 5 1942 - Twenty-five thousand American and 45,000 Filipino troops complete a fighting withdrawal into Bataan, a harsh peninsula southwest of Manila, where they are quickly trapped.

April 9 1942 - Racked by tropical diseases, starving, armed with ancient weapons and out of ammunition, the warriors who called themselves "The Battling Bastards of Bataan" are forced to surrender.

April 11-17 1942 - Some 75,000 Americans and Filipinos captured on Bataan begin a Death March of fifty-five miles to Camp O'Donnell, a one-time training facility. An estimated 10,000 die of brutality, hunger, disease, or are murdered by Japanese guards along the way.

May 6 1942 - Seven thousand Americans and 5,000 Filipinos surrender to invading Japanese forces on Corregidor.

May 7 1942 - At Manila railroad station, 115 Corregidor POWs are packed into small boxcars and the doors sealed shut. Trains chug Northward for five hours to a large compound known as Cabanatuan. Countless Americans and Filipinos suffocate enroute.

June 7 1942 - Thousands of POWs from Bataan move by foot and railroad boxcars from Camp O'Donnell, where 30,172 POWs had died or been murdered, 40 miles Northeast to the Cabanatuan Death Camp.

Jan 28 1944 - For the first time, Japanese atrocities are disclosed to the U.S. homefront. The headline in the New York Times screams: "5200 AMERICANS, MANY MORE FILIPINOS DIE OF STARVATION, TORTURE AFTER BATAAN."

(It should be pointed out that these men surrendered in the belief that they would be treated as POWs as per The Geneva Accords, but the only code the Japanese followed was Bushidio or The Way of The Warrior. According to Bushido, an enemy who surrenders is without honor, beneath contempt, and sub-human and not to be afforded any quarter much less mercy.)

Jan 29 1944 - On the floor of Congress, Senator Bennett Champ Clark thunders that Emperor Hirohito should be hanged as a war criminal.

(Just substitute the Troops at Abu Ghraib or Gitmo for the Jap Army, and the poor muslim "Freedom Fighters" for the American and Filipino POWs. Sen. Clark could be played by any number of the idiots in congress and the news media who try to make Abu Ghraib and Gitmo sound worse than the Rape of Nanking or The Holocaust and are howling for heads on pikes. The next time some long-haired hippy-type pinko fag tries to tell you that, you have my permission to blast 'em dead center in the forehead with a clue by four.)
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Oct 6 1944 - Tokyo is tipped off by the Soviets (America's allies) that MacArthur will strike at the Philipine island of Letye during the last ten days of the month.

(This one just requires an expanded cast list. Add Frogistan und der Deutchland and other alleged "allies" to the list of fuckers that have sold us out in one way or another to our ememies.)
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Dec 26 1944 - General MacArthur issues an upbeat communique: "The Leyte campaign can now by regarded as closed except for minor mopping-up operations." Those "Minor Operations" would prove to be bloody affairs.

(To prove I hold BOTH sides of BOTH houses of congress and The White House in equal contempt, just rewind a couple of years to the USS Lincoln's flight deck and "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED". Hey El Presidente, how's our "minor operations" going?? No where near as bad as WWII, but don't bullshit us... I'll admit I was born in the dark, but it wasn't last night.)
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(And now, let's look into the Magic 8-Ball for NEWS FROM THE FUTURE!!!)

July 16 1945 - U.S. scientists ignite history's first atomic blast in the New Mexico desert.

July 26 1945 - At a conference in Potsdam, Germany, the Big Three - President Harry Truman, Prime Minister Winston Churchill, and Premier Josef Stalin - issue an ultimatum to Japan: Surrender unconditionally or face total destruction.

Aug 3 1945 - High-flying B-29 Superfortresses drop 750,000 leaflets on Hiroshima, warning the citizens to depart because the city will be wiped out if Japan fails to surrender. American propaganda, the civilians felt.

("Well howdy yourself, White House Operator... This is Dubya, can you connect me to that crazy towel-head sumbitch in Tehran?? Thanks.")

Aug 6 1945 - At 0815 Yoshitake Mimura, a professor at Hiroshima Bunri University, tells 500 Japanese Army officers that Japanese scientists are developing a revolutionary new weapon called an atomic bomb. A few minutes later, there is the sound of a B-29 Superfortress high in the sky. A brilliant, pinkish light bursts over Hiroshima and the city is virtually destroyed.

(Sounds like a REAL bad case of day late, dollar short and being in the WAY wrong place at the WORST time...)

Aug 7 1945 - Superfortresses scatter 16 million leaflets over Japanese cities, warning that a second bomb would be used if the Emperor did not surrender.

Aug 9 1945 - At 0901 a giant ball of fire, belching forth enormous white smoke rings, rises from the industrial city of Nagasaki. Most of the city is incinerated.

(Reapply as needed, or as Hackman said in "Crimson Tide", "Drop that fucker, TWICE!")
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(And now a peek into the mind of the enemy...)

March 10 1974 - Japanese Lieutenant Hiroo Onoda, believing that the war is still raging in the Pacific, emerges from his hiding place in a Philippine jungle and is taken into custody by a policeman. Why had he waited three decades to take this action? "I never received an order to surrender." Onoda explains.

(Islamic Terrorists have not received orders to surrender in going on 1500 years and I don't see any signs of that changing anytime soon.)

Like I said, go get this movie and take a trip down memory lane to a time when WhollyWeird made good movies about the sacrifices of good Americans in the name of a good cause.

And read up on your history, cause as the saying goes, if you don't remember it, you're doomed to repeat it...

Simon Sez...

While I have been pondering El Presidente's speech Monday, and the votes in congress this week about illegal aliens, and reading other reviews and reports on the topic this week, I was reminded of a line from "Demolition Man" when Phoenix and Spartan are facing off at the beginning of the flik that would fit the current situation with only minor re-wording...

"The policemen figgered it out..."

http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/borderpatrol.asp has a letter and testimony from a 27-year vet of the Border Patrol. Letter to Sen. Bill Frist in 2006 and testimony to congress from 2002 about the influx of aliens and how they only want to take advantage of as many gov't handouts as they can get, at taxpayer expense of course, and send most of it back "home", read "NOT THE USA", and have no desire to become citizens because then they would have to pay their share.

"The Postmen (citizens, natural-born and LEGALIZED IMMIGRANTS) figgered it out..."

http://www.californiaconservative.org/?p=3072 has a rundown of facts that 80% of Americans know and prompted the formation of The Minute Men to do the job the government won't do and http://hotair.com/archives/vent/2006/05/17/connect-the-dots/ has a video of Michelle Malkin reporting on why the borders need to be sealed. Not only are mexicans sneaking in to rob us blind, but "OTM's" (other than mexican) that have a far more insideous agenda in store for us. It ties porous borders to almost 3000 murdered Americans on 9/11.

"But the god-damned bus-drivers (President and congress) just wouldn't listen..."

http://www.cigarintel.com/agency/?p=1242 has the review of the speech that I wanted to write, but couldn't because of the howling fits of rage I fell into when I tried to think about it. This saves me the Hi-BP and all the typing and spares you from my invective. He totals up the value of the speech this way: "Frankly this whole speech was as useless as a windshield wiper on a goats ass…"

Simon Sez to the President and congress: Stop acting in YOU AND YOUR CRONIES best interests and remember who the boss of you is and what the boss wants you to do is this: BUILD A WALL AND SEAL THE FUCKING BORDERS AND TOSS THE CRIMINALS OVER IT!!! That is what most of your bosses want. You can pat yourselves on the back for all your big talk and your 370 mile wall like you've accomplished something this week if you like...

But be advised that a monkey fucking a football for the last four days has done more than you limp-dicks have. If you don't get offa your fat-cat asses and DO SOMETHING, you're likely to find yourselves getting tossed overboard in favor of the monkey, at least he's TRYING to do something.

Those Meddleing Mexicans

I found this over at http://michellemalkin.com/ and thought I'd pass it along with some of my thoughts about it...

"The Mexican Consulate in Indianapolis has launched an investigation into the arrests of 76 Hispanic immigrants by Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents Tuesday in Northern Kentucky..."

(Just who the FUCK does The Land Of The Neverending Wetback and Bad Booze think it is, investigating ANY United States agency?!?!? Those assholes would be better off spending some of the TWENTY BILLION U.S. DOLLARS that get looted by invading aliens and shipped back to mexico on Un-fucking their own lawless, third-world shit-hole.)

"...Gil Esparza, director of the Hispanic Resource Center in Covington, said he is trying to help family members of those detained understand the situation. Esparza said he is also referring individuals to the Mexican Consulate to ensure their rights are protected."

(RIGHTS?!?! What fucking RIGHTS is this retarded ass-munch talking about?? These "individuals" are here ILLEGALLY, which, for those of you edumacated in Pubic Skools, means THEY HAVE NO FUCKING RIGHTS IN THIS COUNTRY SHORT OF NOT BEING SHOT ON SIGHT BEFORE WE THROW THEIR ASSES BACK OVER THE BORDER!!!

"I get calls from people scared and crying saying, 'What do we do? What do we do?'" he said..."

(Shoulda stayed South of the border where you weren't a criminal in The United States... DUH!!)

"Some of those arrested, Esparza said, "had kids in school at the time and now they have no mother and father to go home to. ... Then, immigration takes (those arrested) to jail, but nobody in jail speaks Spanish. ... That's my concern. ... I think it's right to go after the employer ... but my people are just looking for freedom. They're looking for hope. My heart breaks for them..."

(Four part reply:
1: La Migra has the invaders addresses now, send The Law out to round up all those future MS-13 members after they get home from school and toss their little asses over the line with their folks...

2: "..nobody in jail speaks spanish.." Big Fucking Deal... shoulda rearned speekee engrish Pancho, you're in The United States now (for a SHORT time, I hope...) and English is what is spoken here...

3: "..go after the employer.." First words that make sense outta scum-bag's mouth, they are at LEAST as guilty as the invaders, mebbe more so in some cases of exploitation. Arrest, fine the shit out of and jail some of these asses and mebbe the rest will pick up a case of The Clue...

4: ...but he instantly jumps back on The Bullshit Express with that spew about freedom and hope. We have that here in abundance, and we're happy to share... JUST SIGN THE GUEST BOOK ON THE WAY IN AND FILL OUT THE PROPER PAPERS AND YOU'RE WELCOME TO GO OUT AND GRAB ALL THE FREEDOM AND HOPE YOU CAN!!!)

"Sergio Aguilera, consul of Mexico for Kentucky, Indiana, Ohio and Southern Illinois, said he is concerned that the arrests are part of a growing trend that will put many more immigrants behind bars. He said it is unclear whether those arrested this week face deportation or jail time, if convicted. But, he said the shock waves of the immigrant "round-ups" are causing great concern among the Hispanic community..."

(If I were King, jail AND deportation would be the order of the day. 1st offense, since "they came here looking for work", 13 months hard labor on Sheriff Joe's chain-gang then tossed across the border... (hopefully before long it'll be a WALL we can toss 'em over!!) 2nd time, TEN YEARS making little ones outta big ones, and tossed over the wall. Then, third strike, YER OUT!! Flip a coin... heads, LIFE at hard labor in Tent City or tails, firing squad, no appeals. They're not citizens, they are criminal invaders and have no right to legal council, much less appeal.)

"I think it is certainly strange that all of the sudden authorities are taking so much interest in companies that employ immigrants, and are now launching so many of these types of operations, because they probably knew this a long time ago," he said..."

(We've known about it for DECADES, but Washington turned a blind eye to it because the volume of We The People's shouts of DO SOMETHING!! weren't loud enough. But with The Net, more and more people can get the straight poop, and not the filtered diarrhea of the Main Stream Media, and so are getting pissed off and are raising their voices louder and together in election-losing numbers...

So, our Ruling Class, not having figured out a way to install themselves in the post for life without the possibility of having to face The Hangman, are still dependant on us peons for our vote. This being the case, they feel the rising wind of change in MOST of The Unites States, and this particular wind blows no good for them if they don't toss at least a little cake to the peasants to keep them placated. But, I fear, like all winds, this one will eventually blow itself out after the mercury of the political thermometer drops...)

"Our concern is that these operations by immigration keep popping up everywhere and we don't know exactly what's going to happen. We would like to know if this is going to stop at some point. We are hopeful that the work of the Senate and Congress will result in some kind of immigration law, so that people that are in the middle of all these operations of immigration are not affected - that the law will allow them to stay here..."

(They're concerned about us enforcing our laws?? Hopefully this is just the start of a tsunami of change in the way we deal with invaders from a foreign nation that will not even slow down until this country is secured, North, South, East and West!! STOP??? Not if 80% of us have our say, Esparza...

Oh and by the way, bean-boy, we already have laws that allow for people to stay here, they just have to ask permission first. We don't need any new laws, in fact there are TENS OF THOUSANDS (take the Tax Code, please...) we could be shed of with no ill-effects. We just need to enforce the ones we have already, which hopefully means this is just the first pinch in a good, long, HARD squeeze that's needed in this country.)

I notice he didn't mention anything about all the illegal rapists, thieves and murders that are here too... Nary a peep about the illegal that just killed a Nashville Mother and Daughter. This little shit is a repeat offender. Already been deported once, so The Law had fuckhead's prints on file and fortunately he left a print at the scene, so they managed to ID and catch the prick.

Does Esparza's "heart break" for these people too??? After all, they are just looking for a little mayhem and murder...

My heart bleeds for them...

Purple Peanut Butter....

To the tune of a nano-tech violin.....

Coming Outta The Closet...

I ran across this on The Net a couppla years ago, don't remember where, when or who composed it, but it pretty accurately nails me and most all the guys I know who are PBC's (The newly coined phrase "Pre-Bizzaro Child", to describe those of us who were raised by responsible parents before The United States turned into Bizzaro-World)...

"After searching for my sexual identity. I finally discovered it and I can no longer keep it in the closet. I am here to openly announce that I am a Retrosexual.

My Retrosexuality is defined by the following Retrosexual code:

A Retrosexual, no matter what the women insists, pays for the date.

A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.

A Retrosexual DEALS WITH SHIT. Be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you FUCKING DEAL WITH IT.

A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.

A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you.

A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap. (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.)

A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old .

A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the "DEALING WITH SHIT" portion of The Code.

A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.

A Retrosexual does not let neighbors fuck up rooms in his house on national TV.

A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for poontang. Some is inevitable, but major re-invention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little puss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.

A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak treechipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH SHIT. When you fucked up, he DEALT WITH YOU. Buck up pussy.

A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.

A Retrosexual knows how to tie a fucking windsor knot when wearing a tie.

A Retrosexual does not strip naked, get into a sweat lodge, and bang on drums to bond with other guys. That shit is gay. However dressing in kilts, banging on drums around a campfire and drinking heavily is just fine.

A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.

A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a damn nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss that you be.

A Retrosexual's asshole is an exit ramp on the road of life. Ladies, contrary to what Cosmo says, spontaneously sticking a finger back there is a good way to be launched off the bed (or if Hooters hotwings have been recently consumed, lose a finger). Make you a deal, we won't mess with your's unless you want us to, and you won't mess with our's... period.

A Retrosexual will buy feminine hygine products if he has to, but only under protest.This falls under unpleasant things you have to fucking DEAL WITH. Get some Hagen-Daas while your at it.

A Retrosexual gives a lady his seat on the bus/subway/etc.

A Retrosexual does not order an apple martini at the bar. A Martini has fucking Vodka and vermouth in it dammit. And maybe an olive. In fact, why not just get a shot of Vodka??"

Where's Rooster Cogburn and James Bond (Connery's, not the pussies that came after) when you need them??

I Gotta Get A Grant II : The Sequel

From http://www.townhall.com/opinion/columns/jonahgoldberg/2006/05/12/197117.html comes a report of another band of intrepid researchers, boldly spending untold amounts of money to study things that are glaringly obvious to those of us who grew up back before this country turned into Bizzaro World...

"The study by psychologists at Knox College in Galesburg, Ill., enrolled 30 men and measured the testosterone levels in their saliva. Then the men were divided and given separate tasks. One group was asked to take apart and reassemble a large handgun and then write down instructions on how to put it together. The other group was asked to do the same with the game Mouse Trap.

Afterward, those who handled the gun showed a jump in testosterone levels. Subjects were then asked to drink a cup of water with hot sauce in it and then prepare a similar drink for someone else. Those who handled the gun were more likely to add more hot sauce than those who didn't. This means, according to the paper, that "handling a gun stirs a hormonal reaction in men that primes them for aggression."...

No shit Sherlock... I get a charge just THINKING about my guns, my P90 .45ACP in particular... Read "Garden Blogging", most of my garden is chile peppers, so you know I dig the hot stuff... I have every variety of Tabasco Sauce in my cupboard... Hell I've even heard of guys who toss one off lubed w/ hot sauce while they look at gun mags... (I said I've HEARD of them, I've burned Bobo too many times by accident after slicing peppers to intentionally "Kick it up a notch"...)

The story comes from the New York Times, so it's slant is "guns are bad", but being a Pre-Bizzaro Child, I know better. Guns are tools, just like hammers, it is PEOPLE who put them to good or evil. Even after the added testosterone dump of running thru a couple of hundred rounds, field-stripping and cleaning and re-assembling my P90, and doing half a dozen Hot Shots, straight up, (no pussy water in my Tabasco) I still have no desire to go out and randomly shoot someone. (I admit, sometimes the desire to DELIBERATELY shoot some asshole waste of oxygen who desperately deserves it is a bit hard to choke down)

"Anyway, every day we hear about new studies "revealing" what should have been obvious to sentient beings for generations. A few recent headlines: "Fat kids become fat adults, says new study," "Housewives not as desperate as singles over 40, a new study finds," "Drowsiness, inattention play big role in car accidents, study finds." Every few months, newspapers breathlessly report that - surprise! - men and women are different, children are impressionable, and poisons are bad for you. What next? "Research shows wolverines don't like to be teased"? or "Running with scissors inadvisable, Mayo Clinic reports"?

Folk wisdom has more scientific rigor than we give it credit for. Your grandmother didn't need a double-blind study to tell you that you should wash your hands after you go to the bathroom. And I don't need some paper to tell me that a man will get a small hormonal buzz from getting to play with a gun while the guy next to him is stuck with a lame board game."

It's funny... the deeper we get into the "Information Age", the stupider people seem to get...

Garden Blogging

Had to re-pot my Roma 'maters earlier. I had started four sprouts in one pot and they got too big too quick. I didn't know their root structure was so dense. I had to cut through a ton of roots to un-ass them from the pot, so I put them on the critical condition list for now. There's 4 of 'em so mebbe one will pull thru.

The Grape tomato plant is doing ok, got about 8 or 10 small green fruits on it, the Beef Bastard (Beefsteak hybrid) is blooming like crazy, but still no fruit. I think I'm gonna have to put 2-3 more stakes in each pot, the one up the center seems to pull the limbs too far outta place. A couple of extra stakes will let them grow in a more natural position.

I also got around to planting my herbs, cilantro, oregano, regular and garlic chives. Got 'em in "Window" boxes on the table by the grill, which is where I expect to do most of my cooking this summer. If I get adventurous, I'll build a shelf or two to put them on to get 'em outta the way.

Next on the list is the peppers. To do it right, I need a dozen more pots. I multi-potted Habanero, Jalapeno, Cayenne, Red Chile and Sweet Bannana sprouts, 3 and 4 to a pot, expecting at least half to die off. But all the Generical-Gro soil, and plant food waterings, and all the recent thunderstorms w/ their nitrogen rich rain have had the same effect as steroids on The Governator.

I guess I could get all Josef Menglela on them and cull one from each pot and cut the number of new pots I need by half... but just as soon as I do that, the rest will develop a case of rare Rhodesian root-rot or some such and I'll be screwed.

Speaking of the good doctor, I guess I'm gonna have to take a page from the nazi play-book. The leaves on my plants look like somebody cut loose with a shotgun in the garden, they're so full of holes. Apparently the local bug population has declared my garden a "Free Lunch Zone" and have been have been scarfing it down like those 500 lb cows at Ryan's dessert bar and I didn't plant the shit to feed the neighborhood, so I'm declaring war.

I'm not gonna mickey mouse around with appeasement like planting someting else they wanna eat more, or "limited- response" actions like repellant plants...

I'm going straight to the WMD's with a chemical nerve agent that's a cousin to VX, Sarin and Zyklon-B... Sevin Ready To Use Bug Killer!! Without a bunch of techno-babble, basically all pesticides are nerve agents. They kill by inhibiting the chemical that allows signals to pass from nerve ending to nerve ending, and when those signals stop going to your vital functions, (unless you have a self-injector of an antidote like Atropine to stab yourself in the heart with...) as they say in ebonics, "You be fucked..."

So as soon as it stops raining for the spray to hang around long enough to do the job, I'll be setting up my own little "Shower Room" for the greedy bastards...

"Welcome to The Dachau Dining Hall!!! Just hang your exo-skeletons on the hooks on the wall and proceed through the door to the buffet room..."

BDA (Beaner Damage Assesment) of Operation Gringo Grinder

(Just in time for the mexican holiday, Holda da Mayo...)

I wanted to wait a little while for somebody besides the political haymakers to tell us what the REAL impact of the MayDay Billion-Beaner Boycott is... (besides reports of commutes in LA-LA Land and other cities being 0.5 to 1.5 HOURS SHORTER without all the brokedick low-riders and truckloads of the invading hordes fucking up traffic!!!) before I posted on it.

As it turns out, virtually all of the places that were shut down, were done so by management collaborators so employees could get to protests. Speaking of protests, seems that for the most part crowds were a lot smaller than predicted. Organizers were reportedly spacing people out so the crowds would appear bigger on the tube and in pictures. Produce prices didn't spike. Economies didn't crash and it appears the biggest effect it has had so far is to polarize MORE people to the "We gotta quit fucking around and build a wall on the border and put snipers, machine guns and ninjas on top of it" crowd.

(And shorter commute times...)

The other day, one of the head Congress Critters (don't matter much which one, they're all the same species of lowlife, lying parasite, but I seem to recall this one had "R" after his name) was asked about what was happening with the "immigration bill" that they have made such stunningly no progress on, said in effect (and I'm paraphrasing here):

"Since we in congress are nothing more than a bunch of self-serving, power-mad, intoxicated by our authority, lying, thieving bastards that could care less about the general populace as long as we keep them fat, dumb and stupid and they continue to maintain us in our priviledged ruling class positions over the peasants with their vote...

And knowing that if we talk loud and long enough about something it will appear to the ignorant masses, if they look up from American Idiots long enough, that we are doing everything in our power to do something about the problem, when in fact, we still haven't done a fucking thing and won't do anything until we figure out how We, The Powerful, can profit most from it...

And since I'm out here shoveling shit, we expect to do something before Memorial Day break, but don't hold your breath. More likely, this will placate the peons and get them off our backs for a little while, and then after more fucking off, we'll tell you we'll get something done when we get back from break.

And besides, we know that which ever side does the best job of hispandering can count on 12+ million new votes in the next election, and with things being so 50-50 the last few times out, we need every vote we can buy." (well, mebbe not EXACTLY those words, but that is what he meant...)

More and more frustrated people, tired of waiting for the gummint to do the blatently obvious, are getting on board with The Minuteman Project, contractors offering Skilled Legal labor and building equipment, others offering supplies by the truck load, land owners along the border are donating the needed space on their property. Others are donating funding or their time to work on the fence.

Maricopa County, AZ. Sheriff Joe Arpaio, tired of waiting on the feds, has taken an Old West Common Sense Blunt-Instrument approach to the problem. He has organized a posse to patrol his part of the border and arrest the criminals as they're sneaking in and charging them under new state laws. And you won't be hearing any excuses about "lack of holding space". This is the same guy who ran outta jail space, and citing that if tent barracks and field kitchens, no cable tv or a/c is good enough for our troops, it's good enough for his inmates, and proceeded to erect Tent City. And work is already underway on expanding it for an expected influx of inmates.

The soultion is a simple two step process: 1: Build walls and post armed guards to secure the borders. 2: Round up all the illegal invaders and toss their asses over the walls telling them if they want back in, they can go to the gate and sign the guest book and pick up the proper application forms. (Start with the easy ones first, they were nice enough to come out Monday and have their pictures taken for easy ID)

Yes, it is gonna cost a boat-load of money to build 8-odd thousand miles of fence, and for men and gear to round up and transport 12+ million criminals the hell outta Dodge, but, there is a MAJOR upside most people don't realize:

Once these 12+ million criminals have been tossed over the wall, they won't be sucking up BILLIONS of tax dollars in free aid the are currently stealing, i.e. Food Stamps, Medi-care, their kids getting a free education on our dime, seeking routine medical care in the most expensive place to be treated, the E.R. and stick the hospital with the bill which they pass off to insurance companies who then raise their rates. Not having auto insurance, same as with the hospitals, auto insurance co.'s pass their cost on to the paying customers.

And as a friend pointed out, if they get their "amnesty"... BAM!!! 12+ million more people get access to the already broke Social Security system. "Been here only a few months illegally?? No Problem!! You have the same claim as a CITIZEN who has worked 50+ years on the American Dream!!" (Not that S.S. is the American dream...) Not to mention not having to print every-fucking-thing TWICE!!! (I've gotten to the point I just rip manuals in half and toss the beaner-speak part I paid extra for but can't even use as ass-wipe 'cuz it's too rough)

And let's not forget about how many murderers and multi-murderers of American Citizens that are sitting safely in mexico, free from extradition worries, that never would have been here in the first place if there'd been a wall and all the future Ted Bundy-wannabes it'll keep out.

Speaking of the worse brands of criminal, how many illegals are being housed in a/c'd, color tv'd cells on our tax dime every year that we could just swing by and pick up on a border run. We know RIGHT where they are at, and how many tens of thousands of dollars can we put back on the books for how many tens of thousands of convicts we toss over the wall??

And don't forget the mexi-gov't. thumbing their noses at us and laughing their asses off at the $20 BILLION DOLLARS A YEAR that illegals send back to mexico for them to loot that will go back in the till once we give 'em the heave ho...

The program would start to pay for it's own construction and operating costs in next to no time, but it makes too much sense so it'll never happen.

My prediction: There will be America Citizens working for either The Minute Men, or Sheriff Joe who will be arrested and charged by the feds before they will do anything serious about illegal aliens.

(Full Disclosure: I'm not sure if it was 3x or 4x removed Grandfather (on Dad's side) that stowed away three times from Paris to The U.S.A., busted and deported first 2 times and managed to get thru on the third try because being in France "sucks worse than anything that has ever sucked before"(true quote, my great-grandmother showed me his journal... honest injun...), but my family has served this country's military in times of peace and war since "The War Between The States", so I think we've paid the price of admission. And besides, faced with the choice of being in Frogistan and and risking your life hiding in the foul bilges of three leaky-ass ships on the perilous trans-North Atlantic crossing to get here, what would you do??)

From the Dept. of Maybe You CAN Make This Shit Up...

Plundered from http://smallestminority.blogspot.com/

(Including the Majestik Møøse...)

Moose rampage in Skien

(A Møøse once bit my sister...)

Chaos resulted when three moose paid a visit to downtown Skien on Wednesday morning.

(No realli!)

"We got 70 phone calls from people who were afraid of the moose. Because there were several of them. At least three moose had strayed into the city. Unfortunately one of these had to be put down by the wildlife committee, near the Skien Library," operation leader Åge Halvorsen of the Telemark police told news agency NTB.

(She was Karving her initials øn the møøse with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given her by Svenge - her brother-in-law -an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian møvies: "The Høt Hands of an Oslo Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Mølars of Horst Nordfink"...)

"It's unusual for three moose to be downtown at the same time," Helge Røssaker told newspaper Varden after felling the moose.

"It is important that people keep their dogs leashed, you can't be reminded of that often enough. And a moose in the city is nothing to fool with, if you meet a moose downtown, retreat and call police," Røssaker said.

(Mynd you, møøse bites Kan be pretty nasti...)

The wildlife committee worked in concert with the police to track down the others. They managed to lead two of the animals out of the city and back to the woods.

The large animals had by then wandered through a day care center, and according to reports by NRK (Norwegian Broadcasting), pulled down fences and dented several cars.

(Møøse Trained by YUTTE HERMSGERVØRDENBRØTBØRDA)

After a few hours the situation seemed to be under control.

"At least we haven't had any more calls," Halvorsen said.

(The directors of the firm hired to continue the credits after the other people had been sacked, wish it to be known that they have just been sacked.)

Brought to you by "RALPH" The Wonder Llama.

(Sounds like the peril of being around a moose is too perilous...)

I Gotta Get A Grant

From Foxnews.com comes a report that the sky is blue, water is wet, and bats use SONAR to track their prey...

From The World Book Encyclopedia, circa 1969 and personal scientific obervation made by my two brothers and me as we stood under the pole-light in the driveway tossing pebbles into the air for the bats that lived in the barn to chase as they snagged the bugs swarming around the light when we was kids...

No, wait, that's not it... Some egghead at U. of MD. got a grant to make infrared video and computer animations of bats chasing bugs at night. "A new study reveals bats zero in on a target using techniques similar to those employed by a guided missile."

No shit, Sherlock... Target tracking system+trajetory-change calculating computer= Target interception. But it would be more accurate to say "torpedo" instead of "guided missile", 'cuz bats use SONAR as oppopsed to RADAR.

I coulda told them this 30 years ago. Amazing what you can learn if you turn off IQ sapping shit like American Idiot (diarrhea be upon it) and open a book once in a while...

Now I'm off to email Prof. Egghead and crew to let them know I'll be expecting a check of my cut of the loot...

Department of Injustice

Admitted jihadi terrorist asshole and proud of it Moussaoui dodges the headsman due to bleeding heart jurors and gets life in super-max for being involved with the mass murder of almost 3000 Americans, instead of being be-headed with a lead pipe.

Crazy Congress-critter Cynthia McKinny assaults a cop and it's being swept under the rug, nary a word on charges or much else about the case in the news, and my money sez bitch gonna get a pass. ("Betta back da fuck off honkey muthafucka or I'm gonna yell racism!!")

Apparently ANOTHER Kennedy can't handle his booze and has had a "serious accident". Sometime around 0300 today. Police witnessed Senator Boozehound, jr. swerving before hitting a barricade, severely damaging the car. He was witnessed staggering after the crash, not given a sobriety test and later driven home by P.D. officers (to sleep it off and destroy any evidence left in his system). Of course, his office issued the requsite "No booze involved" statement. Some on the P.D. have voiced concerns about not being allowed to complete their investigation, and of course, (after getting a good nap, hangover fighting breakfast and coffee and brushing his teeth) Kennedy sez he'll cooperate with any investigation. (Big fucking deal... there's no evidence left so it boils down to "it's your word against mine, and I'm a Congress Kennedy so fuck off!")

He's gonna get a pass... At least he was by himself, no passenger to let drown while he gets his ass covered before calling the police an hour and a half or so later like Dear Old Dad did, that woulda been too Twilight Zone. Which reminds me, not only has daddy been getting a pass for drunken homicide since 1969, he is consistantly re-elected by people who know full well they're voting for a blow-hard, boozing killer but choose to forget that little tid-bit.

(UPDATE: Rep. Crash Kennedy, D-J&B has said he had taken "medicines prescribed by my Doctor" a nausea med that has a tranquilizing effect, and Ambien to "Help me sleep". He said he got "confused and was on his way to a vote in congress". "vote"? At 0300?? uh huh, sure Bob. And if me granny had wheels, she'd be a wagon. Admits to being "impared". Charges? I'm not holding my breath.)

Both of the above incidents happened in front of Capitol Police officers. If you or I had done either of these things, we'd have been taser'd, tear-gassed and tossed to the ground, cuffed, stuffed and still be UNDER the jail with visions of rape and abuse and threat of death dancing in our heads until we proved our innocence.

Daily Dark Chocolate Fortune Cookie

Heard on Spike TV that a little dark chocolate a day helps keep The Hi-BP Monster away... (high blood pressure not that other life sucking monster, British Petrol.)

Told Ol' Lady about it and next thing I know, TAA-DAA!!! Bag-O-Dark Choco-bites!!! (ok... that's bullshit I know... there's more candy and chocolate around here than at Willy Wonka's crib, but it sounded good, almost like she cares...)

Anyway, the wrappers around the bites have bits of wisdom printed on the inside of the foil and I thought while I'm preserving my vital life force, I'd share said "fortunes"...

"Be mischievous. It feels good."

Char-Griller Mods

This is just a note-to-self, but why not see if I can get some mileage outta it:

I had an idea about making my new Char-Griller firebox smoker/grill a "True Multi-Tasker" ala Alton Brown (Good Eats Be Upon Him).

The firebox has four small bolts (appx. 1.75" long) extending two per side from the front and the back of the 'box. I thought if I replaced those with two bolts that went completely thru the box, I could use the cast iron grates from the main chamber for steaks and burgers-n-dogs meals for 2-4 instead of the P.O.S. wire grate that came w/ the thing.

Mebbe get a small cast-iron griddle to put in there for "Breakfast on the Veranda" or "Greasy-Spoon Night". And I think they would be close enough together to hold my wok just outta the fire to get it "Rocket-Hot" for when Remo and Chiun stop by for some "Spicy Sinanju Stirfry" on the way home from work. (gotta get that one on DVD...)

I'll take some measurements, make a hardware run and report back later...

(Ol' Lady mentioned mods to turn it into a pink pig, she thinks it'll be cute, I think it'll be the envy of all my muslim friends at the mosque 'Cue Contest this coming Ramadan...)

UPDATE:

The cast iron grates are too long to fit in the firebox. Wally-World has a $30 reversable griddle/grill pan made from "seasoned" cast iron that should just fit in the 'box. As soon as I can snag one I'll be back with a report...

America The Ignorant

From a report on FoxNews.com: A Roper poll conducted for National Geographic has this ray of sunshine about the future of The United States:

"Despite wall to wall coverage of the damage from Huricane Katrina, nearly one-third of young Americans recently polled couldn't locate Louisiana on a map and nearly half were unable to identify Mississippi. Americans between 18 (recent public high school GRADUATES , I presume) and 24 (enuff time to get thru college without learning a fucking thing) fared even worse with foreign locations: six in ten (6 in 10, for you P.S. grads out there) couldn't find Iraq..."

(Disclaimer: I would be in the "just 14%" that believe being bilingual is a necessary skill. This is The United States of America. English is what is spoken here. Don't wanna rearn speekee engrish, fine, then take your sorry ass back to Bumfukistan or whatever third world shit hole you crawled out of and speak whatever series of gunts, hacks and spits that passes for your "native tongue".)

Wonder how home- or private schooled kids would do? Just to make it fair, only Jr. High and lower equivalent grade home/private-schoolers would be allowed to compete. (Wouldn't want all those P.S. mental-pussies to get beat too bad and have their widdle feewings hurt.)

It gets worse. Head on over and see.

I see rough seas ahead if people don't get their heads outta their asses and change course, and have overheard whispered mutterings of mutiny from some of the crew if things don't show signs of real change...