26 January 2008

Country Folks Can Survive

Seems like most of the bloggers I get my current events from have decided that this Republic is going down the shitter because not one of the sumbitches running for POTUS is worth the powder is would take to blow then up...

And they are right... None of the scumbags are worth a vote... All we have is someone to vote AGAINST, and that shit is bullshit... Who do we have to kill, what underage virgins do we have to rape, what goats do we have to sacrifice to get someone worthy of running this country???

Fred didn't have the fire in his belly... Fred didn't want the job...

The LAST motherfucker we want as CINC is someone who wants the job...

It is six of one, half a dozen of another in this fuckin' circus... Both parties are two sides of the same fucking coin.... Nothing but "How can I fuck over the peons to gain the most for me" power mad, scum suckin, pole smokin, fuck you and your's, feltching assholes.

So in that vein, I offer this rebuttal of what flyover America has to say about the games politicians play...

Y'all do what ya' wanna do... We'll be here to un-fuck what you try to fuck up... Remember, we got most of the guns....

22 January 2008

Heath Ledger Found Dead...

Batman named as person of interest...

(I knew Dark Knight was in the works, Joker was The Bad Guy, but hadn't heard who was playing him. But it's a good reason to post this killer trailer...

I'm seeing this one in the theater.)

21 January 2008

That Whirring Sound You Hear Is Dr. King Spinning In His Grave

What if Dr. MLK, JR. had survived the shooting and came out of a coma today. What would he say about what his people have done with his dream...

"I got my ass whupped and tossed in jail for THESE people?!?!?"

19 January 2008

I Think I Need Some New Work Clothes...

13 January 2008

So Simple, Even A Moron Can Understand....

But Publik Skool graduates may have some trouble...

cash advance

Why Do The Trees In Missouri Lean South??

Because Arkansas and its politicians SUCK!!!

Do we really want ANOTHER former Arcansuck governor in the White House??? History has shown that AR. Gov. + Oval Office = MONGOLIAN CLUSTERFUCK.

America, do yourself a favor and vote FRED!

Fred '08:

Kill the terrorists
Secure the borders
Punch the hippies

12 January 2008

Why Parents Drink

(Thanks to DJ over at The Rott)

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialled the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper: “Hello.”

“Is your daddy home?” he asked.

“Yes,” whispered the small voice.

“May I talk with him?”

The child whispered, “No.”

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your mummy there?”


“May I talk with her?”

Again, the small voice whispered, “No.”

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, “Is anybody else there?”

“Yes,” whispered the child, “a policeman!”

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, “May I speak with the policeman?”

“No, he’s busy”, whispered the child.

“Busy doing what?”

“Talking to daddy and mummy and the fireman,” came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, “What is that noise?”

“A helicopter” answered the whispering voice.

“What is going on there?” demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, “The search team just landed the helicopter.”

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, “What are they searching for?”

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle: “ME.”


(Go here and read the comments to this one...)

It's really a blessing of sorts when your teenagers enter that phase where they're mortified by the very idea of you, preferring to imagine that they were created by pixies and laid under a cabbage patch, to be discovered and raised later on by wolves. It beats the hell out of having to admit the fat, pasty, middle-aged person in the minivan has shown up at school to pick up you.

It's a blessing, of course, because revenge is a dish best served cold, and parents have to exact some sort of punishment for the routine humiliation teenagers doled out to their parents ten years earlier.

I have had many such moments, such as the time, and I won't name names here although he deserves it, one of my kids announced to my mother over the phone that "sometimes my penis gets really big! And it feels good!"

For hands-down humiliation, however, I haven't yet been able to top my neighbor's misery, when his three year old daughter interrupted his poker game by running naked into the room and screaming with a joyous voice of discovery, "DADDY! DID YOU KNOW? I COME WITH MY OWN POCKET! AND IT CAN HOLD A PEN! LOOK!"

And while he was knocking his chair over to get across the room to put a stop to her performance, she showed all his friends where the pocket was and how well you could put in and take out all kinds of things.

This is a man who's going to show up at his daughter's high school graduation drunk and shirtless, with her name painted across his chest and gut, randomly shouting "WOOO!!!" during her valedictory speech and making devil horns with his upraised hands. And she will have totally earned it.

11 January 2008

Arkansas Family Reunion

An OLDIE, but a goodie...

05 January 2008

Walter For President

Fred Thompson came in third in Iowa, but those bible/sister bangin' morons voted for one of their own kind, Huckabee, a bible/sister bangin' moron from Arkansas, so what the fuck do they know. It's still a long way 'til November.

But in case Fred! screws the pooch, I gotta have a fall back position of who to vote for. The rest of the field on both sides is full of booger eatin' morons who piss me off at best and would fuck over the USA if elected.

Luck for me, another candidate has emerged that I can vote for without wanting to throw up...