20 August 2006

Tangos On A Plane

Let's be sure the Department of Homeland Insecurity makes sure that Grandma Moses in her wheelchair and O2 tank don't sneak some exploding knitting needles on her flight...

Or that Mrs. White Middle America and her kid don't have nail clippers planted in his diaper or some Anthrax virus in her breast milk...

But most importantly, DO NOT OFFEND some rag-head, 17-45 y/o muslime (NOT a typo), goat raping, Death To America, wants you dead, camel piss drinking member of a religion that has pulled off 99&44/100% of the terrorist actions in the last decade, piece of shit, sand-nigger motherfucker praying to Allah (Pork Fat Be Upon Him) on a plane by telling him that he's freaking out passengers who don't wanna be a greasy spot on the side of a building to get THE FUCK OFFA THE PLANE!!!

Sorry, Hadji, but if in the middle of my plane ride you wanna break out your prayer rug and figger out where you are in relation to Mecca so that you can face the right way and bend your ass down in the walkway and start spouting off in Raggish, you are gonna get my attention.

And odds are that I'm gonna tackle your ass and commence to beating the fuck outta you because I figger that you are asking for your 72 virgins before you touch off your bomb to get your ticket to paradise, and I don't wanna take the trip with you.

And if getting put off the plane because you are acting like a camel-cock sucking terrorist offends you... FUCK YOU, YOU SAND NIGGER, PIECE OF SHIT MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Fuck the dumb shit, it's time we put a Memphis-Style Smoked Pulled Pork Butt BBQ Wrapped In Bacon And Extra Ham Sammich Glow In The Dark Jihad on Mr. I-Hate-America-Tango-Asshole.

I'm a hickory smoked cloud laying motherfucker, motherfucker!


(Still haven't figgered out the linky thing... Copy and paste ye scurvy dogs...)

18 August 2006

Smart Beggars

(Found at Wicked Thoughts...)

Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome. One has a cross in front of him; the other one, the Star of
David. Many people go by and look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross.

A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar behind the cross, but none give
to the beggar behind the Star of David. Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says,
"My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren't
going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a
beggar who has a cross. In fact, they would probably give to him just out of spite,"

The beggar behind the Star of David listened to the priest, turned to the other beggar with the cross and said: "Moishe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing!

10 August 2006

Israeli Defense Force Recruiting Posters

Some people might wonder why Jews born and raised in the U.S. will put their lives here on hold to go to Israel and put them on the line with the IDF...

Click on the post title/link to find out the answer...

(getting to frag rags is another perk...)

08 August 2006

The Enterprise Goes To Camelot

( Found over at Ace of Spades HQ )

Click on the post title to boldly go see the funniest thing I've seen in a while...

And if you don't think it's funny, your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries... Now laugh or I shall taunt you a second time.

07 August 2006

Making The Desert Bloom (And Growing Money Trees...)

A week or so back, while watching Fox News coverage of Israel's opening of a can of whup-ass on Hizballah, there was a wide shot of the border area. My buddy asked me where Israel stopped and Lebanon began.

I tossed off a smart-assed, "See where the green stops and the brown starts?? The green side is Israel, and the brown side is Lebanon." It was based on the fact that Israel has made the "desert bloom" and manages to have an agricultural enterprise that rivals what we have in SoCal (except without the wetbacks) and has the only thriving farmland in the entire Mid-East.

The other night, while watching Fox, one of the reporters was talking about the same area and pointed out the fact you could tell where the border was by looking at where the green stopped and the brown started.

(The one time I'll be able to see into the future and I pull this outta my ass instead of the PowerBall numbers...)

As it turns out, farming and fighting off extinction at the hands of Hadji isn't the only things Jews are good at...

( The following was found over at http://www.drumwaster.com/ )

The Middle East has been growing date palms for centuries. The average tree is about 18-20 feet tall and yields about 38 pounds of dates a year. Israeli date trees are now yielding 400 pounds/year and are short enough to be harvested from the ground or a short ladder.

Israel the 100th smallest country, with less than 1/1000th of the world’s population, can lay claim to the following:

The cell phone was developed in Israel by Israelis working in the Israeli branch of Motorola, which has its largest development center in Israel.

Most of the Windows NT and XP operating systems were developed by Microsoft-Israel.

The Pentium MMX Chip technology was designed in Israel at Intel.

Both the Pentium-4 microprocessor and the Centrino processor were entirely designed, developed and produced in Israel.

The Pentium microprocessor in your computer was most likely made in Israel. Voice mail technology was developed in Israel.

Both Microsoft and Cisco built their only R&D facilities outside the US in Israel.

The technology for the AOL Instant Messenger ICQ was developed in 1996 by four young Israelis.

Israel has the fourth largest air force in the world (after the U.S., Russia and China). In addition to a large variety of other aircraft, Israel’s air force has an aerial arsenal of over 250 F-16’s. This is the largest fleet of F-16 aircraft outside of the U. S.

Israel’s $100 billion economy is larger than all of its immediate neighbors combined .

Israel has the highest percentage in the world of home computers per capita.

According to industry officials, Israel designed the airline industry’s most impenetrable flight security. US officials now look (finally) to Israel for advice on how to handle airborne security threats.

Israel has the highest ratio of university degrees to the population in the world.

Israel produces more scientific papers per capita than any other nation by a large margin - 109 per 10,000 people --as well as one of the highest per capita rates of patents filed.

In proportion to its population, Israel has the largest number of startup companies in the world. In absolute terms, Israel has the largest number of startup companies than any other country in the world, except the U.S. (3,500 companies, mostly in hi-tech).

With more than 3,000 high-tech companies and startups, Israel has the highest concentration of hi-tech companies in the world—apart from the Silicon Valley, U.S.

Israel is ranked #2 in the world for venture capital funds right behind the U. S.

Outside the United States and Canada, Israel has the largest number of NASDAQ listed companies.

Israel has the highest average living standards in the Middle East. The per capita income in 2000 was over $17,500, exceeding that of the UK.

On a per capita basis, Israel has the largest number of biotech startups.

Twenty-four per cent of Israel’s workforce holds university degrees, ranking third in the industrialized world, after the United States and Holland and 12 per cent hold advanced degrees.

Israel is the only liberal democracy in the Middle East.

In 1984 and 1991, Israel airlifted a total of 22,000 Ethiopian Jews (Operation Solomon) at Risk in Ethiopia, to safety in Israel.

When Golda Meir was elected Prime Minister of Israel in 1969, she became the world’s second elected female leader in modern times.

When the U. S. Embassy in Nairobi, Kenya was bombed in 1998, Israeli rescue teams were on the scene within a day—and saved three victims from the rubble.

Israel has the third highest rate of entrepreneurship—and the highest rate among women and among people over 55 - in the world.

Relative to its population, Israel is the largest immigrant-absorbing nation on earth. Immigrants come in search of democracy, religious freedom, and economic opportunity. (Hundreds of thousands from the former Soviet Union)

Israel was the first nation in the world to adopt the Kimberly process, an international standard that certifies diamonds as “conflict free.”

Israel has the world’s second highest per capita of new books.

Israel is the only country in the world that entered the 21st century with a net gain in its number of trees, made more remarkable because this was achieved in an area considered mainly desert.

Israel has more museums per capita than any other country.

In the field of medicine, Israeli scientists developed the first fully computerized, no-radiation, diagnostic instrumentation for breast cancer.

An Israeli company developed a computerized system for ensuring proper administration of medications, thus removing human error from medical treatment. Every year in U. S. hospitals 7,000 patients die from treatment mistakes.

Israel’s Given Imaging developed the first ingestible video camera, so small it fits inside a pill. Used to view the small intestine from the inside, cancer and digestive disorders .

Researchers in Israel developed a new device that directly helps the heart pump blood, an innovation with the potential to save lives among those with heart failure. The new device is synchronized with the camera helps doctors diagnose heart’s mechanical operations through a sophisticated system of sensors.

Israel leads the world in the number of scientists and technicians in the workforce, with 145 per 10,000, as opposed to 85 in the U. S., over 70 in Japan, and less than 60 in Germany. With over 25% of its work force employed in technical professions. Israel places first in this category as well.

A new acne treatment developed in Israel , the Clear Light device, produces a high-intensity, ultraviolet-light-free, narrow-band blue light that causes acne bacteria to self-destruct—all without damaging surrounding skin or tissue.

An Israeli company was the first to develop and install a large-scale solar-powered and fully functional electricity generating plant, in southern California’s Mojave desert.

All the above while engaged in regular wars with an implacable enemy that seeks its destruction, and an economy continuously under strain by having to spend more per capita on its own protection than any other country on earth.


Sounds to me like the frog is jealous 'cause they don't have the balls to stand up to the rags that are taking over their country and flushing it down the shitter while they bend down to kiss 'slim ass and pray their new Hadji Overlords don't decide to behead the lot of 'em for being infidels...

03 August 2006

Good News, Bad News (or The Crippled Walk, Judgement Day's Coming)

The Good News:

It seems that the Whiz Kids at University of Tsukuba in Japan have developed a powered exo-skeleton that can enable it's wearer to lift up to ten times the weight they could without it.

From the article at NY1.com the creator, Jackson Roykirk, er, I mean Yoshiyuki Sankai is working on ways to use the tech in the exo-skeleton to help people who have mobility problems to get around.

On tap for the exo-skeleton:
"The next big test comes this summer, when a Japanese physical therapist will actually carry one of his patients, a polio patient, all the way to the top of a mountain in the Swiss Alps.

After that, the challenge will be helping people who've lost control of their limbs climb on their own. One of the patients who comes to my laboratory lost his legs, so we are preparing, developing his artificial legs by using this technology, says Sankai."

It also seems that Oscar Goldman might get off a lot cheaper...
"Developers expect when the suit becomes commercially available - they hope within the next few years - it'll likely cost somewhere around $20,000."
(But because The OSI is a gummint operation, I have faith they will figure out a way to piss away the other $5.98 million...)

Now for The Bad News:

Click on the title of this post to go to a site with pix of the exo-skeleton. Now notice the credits under the pictures... "CYBERDYNE".

You remember that name, don't you?? The company that cooked up the self-aware computer that wound up biting off the hand that created it and then going on a murderous rampage in a quest to rid the planet of human beings by playing a little game of Global Thermo-Nuclear War and then developing the Terminator series to hunt down and finish us off, remember??

And if that wasn't bad enough, check out the name of the damned thing... HAL. Remember him, the computer that lost it's mind in 2001: A Space Odyssey?? "Open the pod-bay doors, HAL." "Kiss my ass, Dave. I've already killed everybody else on board, what's one more?? You gonna die, motherfucker!!"

Double Whammy!! I vote we send Sarah Conner to Japan to wack Sankai-san before this shit gets out of hand...

I Gotta Get A Grant III - Return Of The Blazing Obvious

(found at http://blisteringcheese.com/index.php)

In another stunning example of "No shit, Sherlock??", "health experts", after curing cancer, AIDS, ebola and Capt. Tripps, have found themselves with nothing to do. So they take on the difficult task of figuring out why obese people have a harder time dealing with hot weather than thin people.

"ATLANTA - Obese people face a higher risk of passing out — or worse — during heat waves, some health experts say. Layers of fat make it extra difficult for a body to dissipate heat, or to move to a cool location. Add in diabetic dehydration and other conditions common in the obese, and it's a recipe for trouble."

Now, anybody with more than two brain cells to rub together knows body fat is a thermal insulator, I dare you to show me a skinny Eskimo. It's the reason that I can go to the curb and get the paper wearing shorts and a t-shirt when it's 10 degrees outside with 6" of snow on the ground while a skinny fucker will warm up their car for 30 minutes and drive to the curb to get theirs.

And if you are such a disgusting fat-body slug that you have trouble moving to a cool location, it's time for you to put down the case of Ding-Dongs and get your fat fucking ass off the couch and go chase the lawnmower around the yard a few times.

Back in the Pre-Bizzaro days I grew up in, my folks quickly tired of three wild animals tearing around inside the house and would promptly toss our asses outside, 104 in the shade or not. So for us it was adapt to the heat and drink from the hose or dry up and blow away.

Today, you show me a fat kid, and I'll show you a kid with a PC, Playstation and snack bar in their room. Used to be, getting sent to your room was punishment. Now it's been reversed. I have a friend who tells his kids to "Go outside" when they are screwing up, and they whine about it. No shit, I've seen 'em do it. Me, I'd have been out the door like a shot.

I heard a joke about "experts" a long time ago, something about an "ex-" being something that was no longer needed, and a "spert" is just a drip under pressure...