More Friday Funny, Or, My God Can Beat Up Your God

Being a non-religious barbarian heathen, I personally don't have a "God", so please feel free to insert your Holy Roller of choice into the title. Also, due to the above, I don't have a dog in this fight, but I know bullshit when I see it.

Apparently, the comic strip "Opus" took a shot at Jerry Falwell a week or so ago and nobody seemed too worried about inciting Christians to riot in the streets. This week, our favorite penguin took aim at the Religion of Pieces and several papers chose to not run the strip because they didn't want to offend the 'slims.

So it is OK to fuck with Christians, but it ain't kosher to fuck with Pisslam??

"TWWEEET!!! Bullshit flag on the play. Blatant use of chickenshit Double Standards in religious mockery. 10 Hail Mary penalty, second down!!"

Here is the "offending" cartoon:
(makee cliky to enlarge)


And here is what Cox & Forkum had to say...



The story from Fox News...

A popular comic strip that poked fun at the Rev. Jerry Falwell without incident one week ago was deemed too controversial to run over the weekend because this time it took a humorous swipe at Muslim fundamentalists.

The Washington Post and several other newspapers around the country did not run Sunday's installment of Berkeley Breathed's "Opus," in which the spiritual fad-seeking character Lola Granola appears in a headscarf and explains to her boyfriend, Steve, why she wants to become a radical Islamist.

Sources told FOXNews.com that the strips were shown to Muslim staffers at The Washington Post to gauge their reaction, and they responded "emotionally" to the depiction of a woman dressed in traditional Muslim garb and espousing conservative Islamic views.

There was also considerable alarm over the strip at the highest echelons of The Washington Post Co., according to the sources.

I can hardly wait for Ramalamadingdong so I can resume the offending Pork: It's What's For Lunch During Ramadan series...

Allah (Pork Fat Be Upon Him) sucks pig balls, you simpering 7th century sheethead simpletons...

Friday Funny

I Gotta Get A Grant VII - Why You Should Pay Attention In Math Class

If we step into the Way Back Machine and take a trip to 1978, we find your's truly in 9th grade math class. And I'm saying to myself, "Self, if you pass math this year, this is the last time you'll have to suffer thru this bullshit. You can balance a checkbook, count change, and do all the basic mathematics you need to get thru your life. You know that you'll prolly get a piss poor grade in the algebra portion of the course*, but what good will being able to add A + B and make it equal C do you?? If you do well enough the rest of the year, no more math 'til the math test at the end of Junior year."

Little did I know that being good in math allows you to study things like this...

Jessica Alba has the perfect wiggle, study says

Jessica Alba, the film actress, has the ultimate sexy strut, according to a team of Cambridge mathematicians.

The academics found that it is the ratio between hips and waist that puts the sway into a woman's walk - and the nearer that ratio is to 0.7, the better.

This ratio provides the body with the right torso strength to produce a more angular swing and bounce to the hips during the walking motion.

Therefore, a woman with a 25in waist and 36in hips would have just the right proportions to carry off a sexy swagger as she walks.

The Jessica Alba sashay beat off competition from Kate Moss, Angelina Jolie and even Marilyn Monroe, whose walk along a railway platform in Some Like It Hot is one of the most famous in film history.

While Monroe was a fraction off the target ratio with 0.69, the Cambridge team said that Alba had the perfect proportions.

(* Sure enough, that was the ONLY F I got in 12 years of school. The rest of my grades never dipped below a B.)

Gun Crime Increases After Guns Are Banned??? UNPOSSIBLE!!

Pop Quiz: You're a Bad Guy with mayhem on your mind. Where are you more likely to do your dirty deeds...

A: A place like Missouri, Florida or Texas that allows it's citizens to carry firearms for self defense and you don't know who may be packing more heat than you...

or,

B: A known "Gun-Free Zone" like Chicago, Washington, D.C., or England that is governed by GFP's who think, "If we make guns illegal, that will stop crime because criminals will obey the gun laws..."?

Gun crimes in England have almost doubled since 1997, when a ban on firearms began.
According to the Sunday Times of London, crimes in which guns were used numbered 4,671 in 2005-06.

Australia also saw a similar increase in gun crimes after making private ownership of firearms illegal, thus PROVING the old bumper sticker wisdom, "When you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns." correct and prophetic.

Also, government officials report that most gun crime is committed by children and teenagers under 18 years old.
David Davis, the shadow home secretary, told the Telegraph: "What this shows is that the majority of these crimes are committed by youngsters under 18."

In the dictionary under "Redundant", it says, "See: Redundant".

It is my opinion that things like this are caused by a lack of proper parenting. I never considered going out and knocking over a liquor store or mugging someone because I knew that if I had even thought about it my Dad would have kicked my ass.

While I am against the government sticking it's nose into my life, there are some things that are too important to be left to unqualified idiots. And bringing another human being into the world is one of them. There should be a basic, minimum requirement that prospective parents should have to meet to get a permit to have children.

IQ, common sense, time available for proper parenting, knowing the difference between right and wrong, things like that should be tested in prospective parents. I know that the government is severely lacking in those qualities and would be a poor judge, but like so many other things, there could be a private entity that would do it better.

"The government's policy has failed with the group most responsible for this increase in crime.

"...the group most responsible for this increase in crime."??? Surely you don't mean the government that passed a gun ban that allows criminals to prey upon a disarmed populace without fear of getting their asses blown away?? Nope, that couldn't be it. That makes too much sense.

It is long past time the Government stopped believing its own propaganda, and took measures to get a grip."

Of course this doesn't mean common sense has broken out and some M'sP are saying, "Well, shit!! The gun ban ain't working worth a damn. Maybe we should let Joe Limey to carry a hogleg to discourage some yob from inflicting bodily harm and relieving him of his hard earned money."

Nope, what it means is they are gonna start outreach programs, midnight basketball, and counselors and other ways of pissing away tax money for these poor, misguided children to work out their feelings of hostility because Mommy and Daddy didn't love them enough.

I got a counseling program for these animals and their so-called parents... Wall To Wall Counseling. Pound the shit outta the kids for committing the crime and their parents for fucking off on the job. A few of these counseling sessions broadcast on the BBC and word will spread that maybe it ain't such a good idea to commit a crime or to be a fuck off parent.

I also have a counseling program for potential victims... Arm them and teach them how to properly employ firearms in self defense. A few stories of Yob X trying to mug Granny Y equals Result Z - Two center mass, one between the eyes, and some lovely toe jewelry from the morgue as a parting gift, will put the fear of Mssr's Colt, Smith, Wesson, and Beretta in the souls of potential criminals.

Remember kids, Gun Control is not about guns, it's about CONTROL.

Monday Motivation - Wall To Wall Counseling

Thanks to our Political Better's belief that we need an enlightened, PC, kinder, gentler Military to avoid offending, much less killing, anyone, especially our enemies, this very effective form of motivation is now verboten.

But just because clueless bastards that can make rules, but can't spell MRE say U.S. forces can't use this marvelous motivational tool, doesn't mean that it can't be used in day to day life to light a fire under the ass of fuckups in need of a serious cluebatting.

Department Of The Army - Field Manual 22-102: Wall-To-Wall Counseling

Chapter II: Minor offenses

Simple infractions can be dealt with quickly by a simple ass-beating. Soldiers appreciate this, as it saves them the hassle of having to visit the commander for UCMJ action.

Lateness

Soldiers arriving late for military functions should be screened carefully before being wall-to-wall counseled. A soldier who has never before been late would not benefit from having the crap beat out of him; indeed, it will only destroy his motivation. A soldier who has been late for the past four months, on the other hand, is possibly incorrigible and a well-deserved ass-beating would not only be profitable, but enjoyable. Especially if the soldier has caused you to visit the company commander on less-than-friendly terms.

Incompetence

Soldiers who have proven themselves incapable of performing the demands of their chosen profession may indeed be candidates for wall-to-wall counseling. The source of their incompetence must be determined before harsh measures are implemented, though. If a soldier has just graduated from Initial Entry Training and has never performed his job, corporal punishment would not be a good idea. If, on the other hand, he has performed his MOS for the last two years and still does not know shit from Shinola, the soldier deserves his ass beat and it should be performed at the earliest possible opportunity.

Challenging or defying Authority

Soldiers who harass their leaders are prime candidates for ass-beating. In this case, the soldier should not be given an opportunity to try to pull anything on you the second time. If the soldier harasses or ignores you, kick the crap out of him. Enough said.

Fucking Off

Off Soldiers who fuck off should be treated the same as those who screw with their leaders. Any soldier found sleeping in the back seat of their vehicle in the motor pool instead of working on it should be immediately taken in front of his whole platoon and have the shit kicked out of him. No slack can be placed on soldiers of this nature. The rest of the platoon will appreciate you.

300 VS. The Army Of Darkness

There Is No Problem That Cannot Be Solved With A Suitable Application Of Explosives

This video pretty much sums up what I was ready to do by the end of yesterday...



BTW, the clip at 5:23 is from the ONLY footage of the Hiroshima bombing. The clip at 1:08 down to :47 is from Nagasaki.

Wednesday Whammy

A couple of days ago over at The Empire, there was a post about having a broke down ride called "Shit Happens". There's a saying, "Karma's a bitch", but I guess it's also a contagion.

The following is from a comment that I left over there in a different thread about how I spent today:

The Ol’ Lady calls me from the Dr.’s office and sez, “My car’s broke, only goes clikey-clikey, come rescue me.” I sez, “OK, let me get my leotard and cape and I’ll be there ASAP.” Get to parking lot, check battery, green eye is red. OK. Take battery out, head to O’Reilly’s for new one. Get to end of block, clutch goes out on my ‘96 Ranger.

OK. Call friend for ride, call motel owner for advise on tranny repair, both say, “On the way!”. Owner picks up new Battery for car, nice guy. Replace Batt., return The Ol’ Lady to work, take car to O’Reilly’s for alternator check. Alt. shot. New alt.=$200 $50 core. Shit.

Call salvage yard. Used Alt.=$40 $5 core. Comes with limited lifetime warranty almost as good as $200 new one. WHOO-HOO!! Sold! Go get new used alternator and replace old one. Sweat ass off.

New battery = $75

New used alternator = $40

Busted knuckles = $free

Having car start on first lick and pass charging system check with flying colors = PRICELESS!!

Having clutchless truck stuck on parking lot with no idea how much repair bill will be yet = TEH SUXOR!!!1!!1

Monday Motivation - Wall To Wall Counseling

In a new twist on Mon. Motivation, I'm going to start posting chapters from a recently de-classified U.S. Military Field Manual.

Thanks to our Political Better's belief that we need an enlightened, PC, kinder, gentler Military to avoid offending, much less killing, anyone, especially our enemies, this very effective form of motivation is now verboten.

But just because clueless bastards that can make rules, but can't spell MRE say U.S. forces can't use this marvelous motivational tool, doesn't mean that it can't be used in day to day life to light a fire under the ass of fuckups in need of a serious cluebatting.

Department Of The Army - Field Manual 22-102: Wall-To-Wall Counseling

Chapter I: Wall-to-Wall counseling has been around longer than the American military.

Many famed units used it as their primary motivational tool, and some used nothing else. It's still prevalent in many hardened military units.

The Spartans

The citizens of the city-state of Sparta, Greece, didn't mess around. Wall-to-wall counseling was the order of the day among the Spartan. The Spartans believed in hard training and hard discipline, and wall-to-wall counseling is about the hardest kind of discipline that there is. The Spartans were feared both in war and at peace, and they worked hard to maintain their image. Babies were quality controlled at the time of their birth, and any not meeting the standards were put on the sides of mountains to die. Needless to say, until the day when wall-to-wall counseling completely erased the desire of the citizens of Sparta to perpetuate the race, nobody screwed with these people.

Patton

General George S. Patton, the famed World War II tank corps commander was a great fan of wall-to-wall counseling. It showed in the way he led his troops. He never used a kind word when a foul one would do just as well. One of his most famous wall-to-wall counseling sessions occurred in a field hospital. Patton believed that combat fatigue was cowardice, and promised to shoot anyone exhibiting it. On a trip through a field hospital, he ran across a shell-shocked private. When the private claimed that he could hear the shells flying overhead but not exploding, Patton became furious. He slapped the soldiers in the head, waved a loaded pistol in his face and called him a wuss. Then he ordered him back to the front to fight "so the brave soldiers in this hospital won't be contaminated by this coward." That Patton was not punished as severely as he should have been for this deed shows that wall-to-wall counseling has a place in the US Army.

The South Korean Army

The Army of the Republic of Korea uses wall-to-wall counseling in its daily operation. It is sanctioned and approved by the Ministry of Defense. South Koreans feel that the harsher peacetime is, the less the soldier will notice the hardships of combat with North Korea. Wall-to-Wall counseling rises to its zenith with the ROK discipline board. This group wall-to-wall counseling session is convened for offenses that would result in punishment by court-martial in the US Army. The soldier walks into the discipline board,is wall-to-wall counseled, and is carried out of the board, either on a stretcher or on ice. While US Army wall-to-wall counseling is not likely to result in serious death to the soldier, the Korean discipline board is a model to be emulated by all US Army units.

When should you wall-to-wall counsel?

You should wall-to-wall counsel a soldier when he needs it. And all soldiers occasionally need wall-to-wall counseling.

Determining when this most severe of leadership techniques is warranted requires the leader to intimately know his soldiers and be aware of when a soldier is far enough gone that a swat in the head is the only thing that will adjust his behavior.

Why Good Quality Control Is A Must

(Found at AoSHQ)

Monday Motivation

I saw this pic and instantly knew what had to be done...



(Cross posted at Military Motivator)

(pic found at Curmudgeonly&Skeptical)

Yeah I know it's Saturday... Screw you, sue me....

Monday Motivation

Nagasaki, Japan

62 years ago today -

9 August 1945 - 11:02 AM

Fatman bomb, dropped by the U.S. B-29 Bock's Car, explodes with the force of 22 kilotons of explosives.

Within a mile, most people were dead, most buildings were destroyed. The survivors waited for death as emergency services were minimal. The cremation fires burned day and night, mixing with the fallout.

Sounds terrible. But that is what war is. And that is what war should be, so Man will be less inclined to turn to it as a continuation of diplomacy by other means.

But it was also necessary. President Truman made the decision to use the bombs after he was presented with reports that the closer U.S. Forces got the the Japanese mainland, the more viciously the Japanese fought. He was also informed that the civilians in Japan were taking up whatever arms they could and were preparing for a last stand fight to the death against U.S. Forces on their home soil.

That information coupled with the projections that an invasion of the Japanese mainland would lead to tens, if not hundreds of thousands of Allied casualties, and Japanese military and civilian casualties numbering in the millions tipped the balance.

But neither bombing was a sneak attack. The Japanese government was warned before Hiroshima was bombed that we had a new "Super Weapon" that we would use unless they surrendered. They ignored the warning. We destroyed Hiroshima.

We warned them again. We dropped leaflets over their cities asking them to ask their leaders to surrender. The first was dropped right after Hiroshima:

TO THE JAPANESE PEOPLE:

"America asks that you take immediate heed of what we say on this leaflet.

"We are in possession of the most destructive explosive ever devised by man. A single one of our newly developed atomic bombs is actually the equivalent in explosive power to what 2000 of our giant B-29's can carry on a single mission. This awful fact is one for you to ponder and we solemnly assure you it is grimly accurate.

"We have just begun to use this weapon against your homeland. If you still have any doubt, make inquiry as to what happened to Hiroshima when just one atomic bomb fell on that city.

"Before using this bomb to destroy every resource of the military by which they are prolonging this useless war, we ask that you now petition the Emperor to end the war. Our President has outlined for you the thirteen consequences of an honorable surrendor: We urge that you accept these consequences and begin the work of building a new, better, and peace-loving Japan.

"You should take stops now to cease military resistance. Otherwise, we shall resolutely employ this bomb and all out other superior weapons to promptly and forcefully end the war."

EVACUATE YOUR CITIES

The government ignored the warning. They ignored their citizens. Radio Tokyo told the country of the destruction of Hiroshima. We warned them again. This time we dropped leaflets over target cities BEFORE the second bomb was used:

"ATTENTION JAPANESE PEOPLE" EVACUATE YOUR CITIES

"Because your military leaders have rejected the thirteen part surrender declaration, two momentous events have occurred in the last few days.

"The Soviet Union, because of this rejection on the part of the military has notified your Ambassador Sato that it has declared war on your nation. Thus, all powerful countries of the world are now at war against you.

"Also because of your leaders' refusal to accept the surrender declaration that would enable Japan to honorably end this useless war, we have employed our atomic bomb.

"A single one of our newly developed atomic bombs is actually the equivalent in explosive power to what 2000 of our giant B-29's could have carried on a single mission. Radio Tokyo has told you that with the first use of this weapon of total destruction, Hiroshima was virtually destroyed.

"Before we use this bomb again and again to destroy every resourse of the military by which they are prolonging this useless war, petition the Emperor now to end the war. Our President has outlined for you the thirteen consequences of an honorable surrender; We urge that you accept these consequences and begin the work of building a new, better, and peace loving Japan.

"Act at once or we shall resolutely employ this bomb and all our other superior weapons to promptly and forcefully end the war."

EVACUATE YOUR CITIES

Again they ignored the warnings. We bombed Nagasaki. Damage was not as extensive as it was at Hiroshima, due to the geography of the area. The area around Ground Zero is surrounded by hills, and this served to protect the civilian areas of the city from the blast.

On 10 August 1945, planning for more atomic attacks continued in the U.S., and The Emperor of Japan ordered the military to offer surrender to The Allies. This order resulted in a split between those wanting to surrender for the good of Japan, and those wanting to continue the war for the glory of Japan.

The emperor recorded a message in which he personally accepted the Allied surrender terms, to be broadcast over Japanese radio. This way everyone in Japan would know that surrender was the emperor's personal will. Some within the Japanese military actually attempted to steal this recording before it could be broadcast, while others attempted a more general military coup in order to seize power and continue the war.

On August 15, 1945, the emperor's broadcast announcing Japan's surrender was heard via radio all over Japan. For most of his subjects, it was the first time that they had ever heard his voice. The emperor explained that "the war situation has developed not necessarily to Japan's advantage," and that "the enemy has begun to employ a new and most cruel bomb." Over the next few weeks, Japan and the United States worked out the details of the surrender, and on September 2, 1945, the formal surrender ceremony took place on the deck of the U.S.S. Missouri.

Best Friends Forever

This one can't wait 'til Monday...

Killed in Iraq, dog team buried together

By Michelle Tan - Staff writer
Posted : Tuesday Jul 24, 2007 6:38:59 EDT

The first military working dog team killed in action together since the beginning of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan were laid to rest together July 18.

Cpl. Kory D. Wiens, 20, of the 94th Mine Dog Detachment, 5th Engineer Battalion, 1st Engineer Brigade of Fort Leonard Wood, Mo., and his partner, Cooper, were killed July 6 by an improvised explosive device while on patrol in Muhammad Sath, Iraq. They had been in Iraq since January.

The cremated remains of Wiens and Cooper, a Labrador Retriever, were buried together at Salt Creek Cemetery in Wiens’ hometown of Dallas, Ore., at the request of his family, said Master Sgt. Matt McHugh, the family’s casualty assistance officer.

“Kory referred to Cooper as his son, that’s now much of a team they were,” McHugh said.

McHugh added that based on his own research, the last military canine team to be killed together was during the Vietnam War.

The Army has 578 dog teams, and they have served several hundred rotations in Iraq and Afghanistan, said Hans Freimarck, the military working dog coordinator for the Army Dog Program.

Freimarck said he didn’t know the last time a canine team was killed together, but Wiens and Cooper were the first for operations Iraqi Freedom and Enduring Freedom.

“Most military dog handlers look at [their relationship with their dog] as a marriage,” Freimarck said. “You give to the dog, the dog gives back to you. Every dog handler has a firm attachment to his dog and any dog in the military.”

Wiens and Cooper made up a specialized search detachment trained to find firearms, ammunition and explosives. Being on a specialized search team means more training, and Cooper, who was no more than 4 years old, did his job without a leash.

Cooper was Wiens’ first military working dog, and Wiens was Cooper’s first handler, McHugh said.

Wiens’ family is doing as well as can be expected, and their small community has been very supportive, McHugh said.

Residents of Dallas lined the streets to honor the funeral procession, which was accompanied by local law enforcement vehicles and the Patriot Guard Riders, a national organization of motorcycle enthusiasts who pay tribute to fallen service members.

Thirty-seven dog teams from the Army, Air Force, Navy, Marine Corps and area police departments attended the service, McHugh said.

Wiens was named after his grandfather, who was a military canine handler during the Korean War. He is survived by his parents, Kevin and Judith, three siblings and his extended family. Wiens’ older brother Kevin is serving his second tour in Iraq as a military police officer.

Remembering...

Meagan Nicole ~ August 6, 1993

Happy birthday baby.

Daddy loves you.

Daddy misses you.

Monday Motivation

62 years ago today, we sent the ideology driven Empire of Japan a wake up call.

How much more shit are we gonna tolerate from our modern ideology driven enemies before we send them a similar love note??

How To Not Get Yer Ass Whupped While Down South

(Stolen by Eros Total from somewhere else, and I stole it from E.T. from The Porch)

Tenshun, all y’all whut ain’t fum ‘roun hyeah:

Don’t order filet mignon, rice pilaf, or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It’s a freakin diner designed to serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you confuse them, they’ll kick your ass.

Don’t laugh at our Southern names (Merleen, Bodie, Ovine, Luther Ray, Tammy Lynn, Darla Beth, Inez, Billy Joe, Sissy, Clovis, etc.). Or we will just HAVE to kick your ass.

Don’t order a bottle of pop or a can of soda in these parts. Down here it’s called Coke. Nobody gives a damn whether it’s Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or whatever - it’s a Coke. Accept it. Trying to correct somebody on this can lead to an ass kicking.

We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g.,Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don’t refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies, or we’ll kick your ass.

We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Fred Smith of Fed Ex, Turner Broadcasting, MCI WorldCom, MTV, Netscape). Naturally, we do sometimes, have small lapses in judgment (e.g., Carter, Edwards, Duke, Barnes, Clinton) We don’t care if you think we’re dumb. We’re not dumb enough to let someone move to our state in order to run for the Senate. If someone tried to do that, we would kick their ass.

Don’t laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up the middle, you’d be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you visit Stone Mountain and complain about the carving, we’ll kick your ass.

We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of here, or we’ll kick your ass.

Don’t order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly know that you’re a Yankee. Eat your biscuits like God intended - with gravy. And don’t put sugar on your grits, or we’ll kick your ass.

Don’t talk about how much better things are at home because we know better. Many of us have visited Northern hell-holes like Detroit, Chicago, and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don’t like it here, Delta is ready when you are. Move your ass on home before it gets kicked.

Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we don’t want to sound like you. We don’t care if you don’t understand what we’re saying. All other Southerners understand what we are saying, and that’s all that matters. Now, go away and leave us alone, or we’ll kick your ass.

Don’t complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None of OUR lakes or rivers have caught fire recently. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty, we’ll kick your ass all the way back to Boston Harbor.

Don’t ridicule our Southern manners. We say sir and ma’am. We hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little gray-haired grandmothers or they’ll kick some manners into your ass just like they did ours.

So you think we’re quaint or losers because most of us live in the countryside? That’s because we have enough sense not to live in filthy, smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or Baltimore. Make fun of our fresh air, and we’ll kick your sorry ass.

Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here and tell US how to BARBECUE!! This will get your ass shot (right after it is kicked). You’re lucky we let you come down here at all. Criticize our barbecue, and you will go home in a pine box. Minus your ass.

+37 Sword Of Whup-ass

This is for my Son Of An Orc, horse slaying, D.M. Brother...



(...my Ranger dodged that, you prick...)

Why Politics Sucks: The double-standard aegis

RELIGION:
1. A group of Christian extremists bomb a public building inside New York. Muslims lash out against Christian fundamentalists, priests (and even just Christians), stating that "they are the very reason mankind is doomed." Amidst Muslim riots in Turkey and the rest of the Balkans, the Pope is forced to make a statement condemning the actions of the extremists.

2. A group of Muslim extremists bomb a public building inside New York. The government condemns the Muslim extremists for their actions. The extremists, angered, sue the government for religious discrimination. Muslims riot against "the evil American regime" in Turkey, the Balkans, the Middle East, etc..

IMMIGRATION:
1. A Mexican dashes across the United States border. Border patrol that attempted to shoot at him are arrested for misuse of a lethal weapon. The Mexican receives $500,000 in compensation, a driver's license, and citizenship. Mexico publicly condemns the United States for their actions.

2. An American dashes across the Mexican border. He is shot on the spot, and left out in the desert to be picked apart by vultures. Mexico publicly condemns the United States for their actions.

ECONOMY:
1. The NASDAQ plunges 300 points in one day on the NYSE. Economists fear an impending depression, and the government is blamed for mismanaging the economy.

2. The NASDAQ skyrockets 600 points in one day on the NYSE. Economists warn traders that the rise in price is just the beginning of an explosion, which will soon result in a great depression. The government is ordered to raise capital gains taxes.

RACE:
1. A black man is beaten on the street by a gang of white criminals. The NAACP unleashes an outcry to the government for civil rights laws.

2. A white man is beaten on the street by a gang of black criminals. The NAACP pays no attention. When it is suggested by a person that whites be given civil rights protection, a lawsuit is filed almost immediately against him.

WARTIME:
1. A republic government is established in a third-world country. The media pays no attention and instead broadcasts domestic issues regarding the high price of movie tickets and bottled water.

2. Three children die in a car crash - one an infant - in a third-world country under U.S. occupation. The media immediately jumps on the story, and the surviving child (who happens to be a liberal) is interviewed on David Letterman, Larry King Live, and Hannity & Colmes.

Wednesday Weird Al - The Saga Begins

This 5:35 video is better than all SIX PLUS HOURS of Episodes I thru III...



And here is Episodes I thru III summarized in :21 seconds...