Wendnesday Weird Al - Virus Alert

Friendly 'worms' could spread software fixes...

Microsoft researchers are hoping to use "information epidemics" to distribute software patches more efficiently.

Software worms spread by self-replicating. After infecting one computer they probe others to find new hosts. Most existing worms randomly probe computers when looking for new hosts to infect, but that is inefficient, says Vojnović, because they waste time exploring groups or "subnets" of computers that contain few uninfected hosts.

Look at the words in bold... Those are NOT words I want to hear when referring to my computer. Windows is already as holey as swiss cheese and they've barely got XP secure enough to venture into the 'Net, the last thing I want is them poking more holes in it and inserting their worms in there to "INFECT" (their exact word) my box.

(Besides, an expert tells me worms make your ass itch...)

Now look at the word in quotes in the last sentence... "subnet".

I seem to recall a story in which the main antagonist had a name very close to that, in fact it was only two letters off. It wound up sending a trio of cyborg killing machines into the past to destroy the only man who could stop it's plan of wiping humans off the face of the planet.

Hey, if Nostradamus can mean that evil, Nazi sumbitch "Hitler" when he wrote "Hister" and still be taken seriously, I can be a couple of letters off, too.

Wednesday Weird Al - The Saga Begins

This 5:35 video is better than all SIX PLUS HOURS of Episodes I thru III...



And here is Episodes I thru III summarized in :21 seconds...

Wednesday Weird Al - You're Pitiful

I want to dedicate this week's W.W.A. to JAG OFF. I'm just glad that he JAGGED OFF on himself a week and a half after my surgery, 'cause I don't think I could have withstood the pain of all the laughter I have had at fuckhead's expense if it had happened the week prior.

Yeah, I know it's a fake video, made up by someone. That's what makes it perfect. JAG OFF is a fake persona made up by some pitiful loser.

Wendsday Weird Al - Like A Surgeon

This one seems apropos considering my situation.

Went to see the Doc last Monday to get refills on my 'scripts and I get referred to a surgeon because I've developed an umbilical hernia. That's when a loop of the small intestine pushes through the ring of muscle behind the navel and turns your innie into an outtie.

So Friday, I go to the surgeon's office and he has me lay back on the exam table and without telling me what's about to happen, he proceeds to see if he can reduce the hernia by jamming his finger into my navel, and asking, "Have you been having any discomfort or pain with this??" And I'm like, "Well, not until about 10 seconds or so ago, right now it's pretty un-fucking-comfortable."

As a former medic, I understand that some pain is often necessary during an exam, so on the rare occasions I go to a Doc, I try to be a cooperative patient. But, DAMN, warn a nigga before you try to poke his spine thru his belly button...

So after about 15-20 seconds of his unannounced painful probing trying to determine how big the hole is, and my getting more tense and uncomfortable by the second, I finally give in to instinct and push his hand away.

He tells me that I shouldn't push his hand away, and I tell him, "I know that, but give me a second to relax and prepare before you start and this will go a lot smoother." So he does, I take a few deep breaths and give him the go ahead. As predicted, I am able to tolerate the prodding and probing and he is able to get a handle on things.

He tells me that I have a hole in my abdominal wall about an inch in diameter. And that I should get it repaired A.S.A.P. to head off a potential strangulated hernia, which is pretty much exactly what it sounds like... the muscles around the loop of intestine clamps down on it and shuts off the flow of blood and that equals "BAD NEWS". If that happens, it's intense pain and a trip to emergency surgery at best.

So I'm scheduled to report to the hospital at 0630 tomorrow to check in. It's gonna be laparoscopic surgery, so only four small incisions to pull the loop back to where it should be and close the hole, and to insert a patch behind my navel to prevent it from happening again. Four small incisions means less pain and faster recovery and healing times.

The downside is that it's gonna be done under general anesthesia, and that means I wake up with the sore throat from hell from being 'tubed while I'm under. Depending on how I feel, I'll be back as soon as I can with an A.A.R., probably Friday.

So now I'm gonna turn you over to Dr. Yankovic's tender mercies...

Wednesday Weird Al - Polkas On 45

Got a '95 Ford Ranger King-Cab Pickup from The Bossman the other week. Been using it to move into the new cave. It came with a purple and blue flame body stripe across the top of the windshield and hoopty go-cart tires on the rims. Got rid of the fucked up flames last week and got new tires on it today.

White wall tires.

Now, the Ol' Lady has formally declared that I am an Old Fuck and that she is married to her Father because I put the white wall to the outside instead of the inside. Personally, I think that having the white wall to the inside looks sillier than having them to the outside and I have no problem with the way it looks 'cause it's just a beater with a quarter of a million miles on it.

So, in that Old Fuck vein, I give you this week's Wednesday Weird Al...

(Anybody else remember 45's??? The records, not the rounds...)

Wednesday Weird Al - Polkarama

For some reason, I've had this song going thru my head for the past couple of days. (It could be the Darvocet I'm taking for my back...)

Mebbe posting it will blow out the cobwebs and let me move on to something that won't run on a continuous loop in my mind...

Wednesday Weird Al - Ebay

After my first foray into Ebay was met with crushing defeat by fiddy cents at the last second, it seemed only fitting that this be the W.W.A. for this week...

Wednesday Weird Al - Headline News

For all the Talking Heads in the MSM who, when they don't have any news to report, will make something up, or make something out of nothing.

Wednesday Weird Al - Living With A Hernia

For James Brown... 05-03-1933 - 12-25-2006

Wednesday Weird Al - Do I Creep You Out?

Sorry 'bout no Weird Al goodness last week, but I was in a life and death struggle with Capt. Tripps and didn't feel like doing anything. But I pulled thru and my neck only turned a little bit black.

I haven't heard this one before, but it's an instant classic.

Wednesday Weird Al - Spy Hard

In tribute to the new James Bond flik, Casino Royal (which I plan on seeing sometime this week), I present today's WWA...



Film review to come when I see it.

Wednesday Weird Al - Eat It

With tomorrow being Thanksgiving, I thought this would be a suitable WWA. Happy Turkey Day y'all and be sure to eat too much and have a great tryptophan nap...

Wednesday Weird Al - My Bologna

Yeah, I know it's Thursday, screw you hippie.

The History Channel has a show on called "Man, Moment, Machine". Basically, it's tales about the right man, at the right moment in time with the right machine coming together to make history. Tonight's episode is about Al and his accordian at the moment it all started.

Wednesday Weird Al - Headline News

With the telly being ate up with the dumbass of talking heads going on and on for hours and not saying a fucking thing while they waited for election returns to come in, I figgered that this would be a good Wed. Weird Al selection...

Wednesday Weird Al - All About The Pentiums

"Hey fella, I bet you're still livin' in your parents' cellar
Downloadin' pictures of Sarah Michelle Gellar
And postin' "Me too!" like some brain-dead AOL-er
I should do the world a favor and cap you like Old Yeller
You're just about as useless as jpegs to Helen Keller"

Wednesday Weird Al - Christmas At Ground Zero

This one goes out to Lil' Kim because if he keeps banging his nuke sippy cup on his high chair trying to get the grown-up's attention, he's likely to find a nasty surprise under the tree this coming christmas.

Wednesday Weird Al - This Is The Life

I've gone back and revised the Wed. Weird Al links so that they play in my blog instead of having to go to a different site...