How To Avoid An Ass Kickin' By Chris Rock

Found this over at Sig 94's place, and some of them would go a long way toward keepin' my boot outta my Hood Rat's asses as well.

The Fall Of Rome

I'm still alive.

I have decided that it is a battle of wills, and they will lose. In fact, today I was asked if I was gonna be the driver for the rest of the year. When I replied in the affirmative, another kid said he didn't think I'd make it. But he's not one of my headaches.

Several of my worst headaches are in "The Cooler", as Col. Klink would say. They are dealing with alternative transportation until January.

I'm making progress. Today at the end of the route, some of the better behaved (read: Roman) kids went thru the bus and put my windows up. And when I asked the last kid to get off if things seemed better than when she started riding, she said, "Yes, lots better."

Last week, two of my Visigoths were cooling a fight between two of the other Visigoths, instead of joining in. They kept it from coming to blows. Shocked the hell outta me.

I've figured out that most of the problems are from one group of Visigoths agitating another. So I've revised the route so that the two are in proximity for the minimum amount of time possible, and things are a lot better. Some of the Roman kids actually have been asking me if I'm gonna run the route the new way "to get the bad kids off quicker". Seems the least I can do for them and my nerves.

I have been referring to them as "heathens" at the garage, but after some reflection, I've decided that "Visigoths" is more accurate. In short, the Visigoths were barbaric tribes that brought about the final downfall of the Roman Empire. That knowledge coupled with the statement that "the children are our future", led me to the choice of that term.

If these children are our future, as they say in ebonics, "We be fucked..."

I Just Drive The Bus

(Bonus points if you can name the movie the title comes from...)

Started a new job driving a school bus, transporting baby wannabe thugs from the 'hood to middle, junior and senior high schools, so blogging has been light because after getting back home from that rolling primate house called a bus route, the last thing I wanna do is have to think.

I miss the good ol' days when if you fucked up on the bus, the driver warned you and if you didn't listen, he either kicked your ass on the bus or kicked your ass off of the bus, and after you got home, your folks kicked your ass for being a fuck-up.

Now, if you even look like you might touch one of those pwecious widdle angels, you get shit canned and sued. Even if some cock-knocker 5th grader instigates it by saying, "I'll punch you in your bald-ass head...", don't you dare turn around and tell him, "Try it, you little coffee with extra cream skin tone, just enough nigger in the wood pile to claim to be black mother fucker and I'll fuck you up so bad your illegitimate grand-children will be retarded."

When I started, I thought the biggest problems would be from the older kids. In fact, other than an issue about the possibility that I could be a racist, ("I'm not a racist. I hate everyone equally.") the Jr./Sr. High kids are fairly well behaved. Of course, it didn't start out like that.

The first couple of days, they wanted to see how far they could push and how much I would take. I told them that the bus was my world and as soon as they stepped on board, they were just living in it, and my word was law. After some insubordination from a psuedo-diva, we took a trip back to the school, they tried a few aborted attempts at lying about me and the principal then re-enforced the fact that yes, it is my world and they have no say about how it turns, and if they didn't wish to comply, he'd be happy to suspend them, and things have been pretty smooth sailing ever since.

No, the primate house aspect of it comes from the middle schoolers. Screeching, screaming, jumping around, throwing shit, and them KNOWING that you can't lay a finger on them, much less kick their oh, so deserving asses for it. All that can be done is to report the latest fuck up, go to the video tape and wait for the powers that be to figure out what to do.

If we had a suggestion box, I'd offer that we take the 6-10 shit disturbers off of the regular buses, place them all on a single bus with bars on the windows and chains on the seats and an overseer with a Klingon Pain Stick to ride herd on them. Hell, I'd volunteer to drive that bus.

And the first one to throw a rock at the back of, or offer to punch me in my head...

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZOOOOOOOOTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!