29 July 2007

Bond VS Bourne

(From a comment at The Headmistress's site.)


VS



The first movie I ever saw in a theater was “Diamonds Are Forever”, and I have been a fan ever since.

Plenty O'Toole?? hubba hubba....

I thought “Casino Royale” was pretty good because it was closer to the book than most other Bond films. And I have read all of Ian Fleming’s Bond books.

“On Her Majesty’s Secret Service” sucked ass ‘cause Lazenby made Bond look like a limey poofter.

Paul Greengrass, Damon’s director on Universal’s “Bourne Ultimatum” and its 2004 predecessor, “The Bourne Supremacy,” agreed that Bond is a relic from a different era.

I wouldn’t give Paul Grabass the sweat off of my balls if he were dying of dehydration.

”...Bond is a relic from a different era."

An era when men were men and not metrosexual pussies.

“He’s an insider.

Best place to be when the shit hits the fan. You’re in a position to do something about it, because that’s what men do. From The RetroSexual Code:

3: A Retrosexual DEALS WITH SHIT. Be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you FUCKING DEAL WITH IT.


Whereas, Grabass will be hiding behind mommy’s skirt hoping for a real man to save his sorry ass.

He likes being a secret agent.

What red blooded boy didn’t want to be a secret agent.

He worships at the altar of technology. He loves his gadgets. And he embodies this whole set of misogynistic values...

Sounds like part of the “Man” job description to me. Just take a man to the electronics or the hardware section, and he’ll be like a kid on Christmas morning. Get him close to a hot sports car, and he’ll have visions of himself and (insert smoking hot chick of choice here) blasting down the highway. Comes with the testicles. But I guess Grabass ain’t got none of those.

He likes violence. He has no guilt.

If this cluefucked walking afterbirth knew anything about Bond, he’d know that Bond doesn’t like violence. He knows when it’s called for and happens to be very good at it. And when you’re in Bond’s line of work, you can’t sit around and second guess yourself and get all pussified because you had to put a bullet between the eyes of someone who deserved it.

Personally, I spit on those values.

Personally, I shit on you and all who think like you.

I think we’ve moved on a little bit from all that, the martini shaken, not stirred.

Bond is “an imperialist and he’s a misogynist. He kills people and laughs and sips martinis and wisecracks about it,” Damon, 36, told The Associated Press in an interview.


Now I know these poofters, Dumbass, Grabass, and Bourne are true metrosexual pussies and not Real Men Retrosexuals… From the Retrosexual Code:

21: A Retrosexual does not order an apple martini at the bar. A Martini has fucking Vodka and vermouth in it dammit. And maybe an olive. In fact, why not just get a shot of Vodka??


These salad tossers probably drink fruity wine coolers.


The rest of The Retrosexual Code can be found here.

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