03 July 2007

I Gotta Get A Grant VI - The Ichthyology Files

(found at Curmudgeonly Skeptical)

From our friends across the fishin' hole comes this little reminder of how the government thinks they can spend your money more wisely than you can...

The government has ruled that fish may feel pain and will draw up a charter of rights to protect them from inhumane treatment in research laboratories, writes Michelle McGinty.

Home Office guidelines will ensure that fish used for scientific study are monitored for signs of stress. Scientists will be required to “enrich” the animals’ lives by putting shelters and other features in aquariums.

The charter also stipulates that laboratories and universities should “retire” fish at a reasonable age so they can enjoy their old age.

How many pounds were spent to come up with the idea that a phucking phish needs an enriched lifestyle and retirement condo??? Probably need to put in a golf course as well. Or maybe water polo??

I've got an idea that's a helluva lot cheaper... I can enrich them with some seasoned cornmeal batter and they can retire in the deep fryer on my counter top.

The guidelines have been prompted by mounting evidence suggesting that fish, which are used widely for genetic research, have pain receptors similar to those of land-dwelling vertebrates.

A study conducted at the Roslin Institute near Edinburgh and published by the Royal Society in 2003 appeared to show fish have nervous systems that respond to damaging stimuli.

Further proof that egg heads need to get outta the lab a little more often. Anybody who has cleaned fish with a pocket knife can tell you that. Unless you put 'em in a hypothermic coma by stowing them in a cooler full of ice, when you go to cut their head off or eviscerate them, you're gonna get a reaction.

Last year 230,000 fish were used by government laboratories, an increase of more than a third since 2003. They are the third largest group of laboratory animals, behind mice and rats.

The study also concluded that while fish are behind mice and rats in being studied, they come out way ahead of them in tasty deep fried goodness. Especially if served with hushpuppies and a thick slice of onion and slaw on the side.

Zebrafish, a tropical variety, are most commonly used because they are suited to a wide range of experiments. They can regenerate their fins, skin and heart following injury in an experiment. The mechanism by which they do so is unknown and is being studied by scientists.

If cutting the fins, skin and heart outta some fish can lead to humans being able to regenerate vital components, I say study those fuckers all you want. And you get the added bonus of being able to eat your homework.

Victoria Braithwaite, of Edinburgh University’s institute of evolutionary biology, who has helped draw up the guidelines, said there was growing evidence that fish had greater intellectual capacity than previously thought. A study last year found red sea groupers were hunting cooperatively with moray eels, using eye contact to call them to a hunt and then sharing the spoils.

This one's a grant twofer...

I hate to break it to you Lady Vicky of Treehuggershire, but my money's on the Groupers eye movements are due to them keeping watch on the Moray Eels to make sue the vicious bastards ain't gonna take a plug outta their ass. The morays don't care if they get to eat what the groupers are hunting or the grouper themselves. If they will attack humans, do you actually think they will give a second thought to chowing down on another fish??

Pass the hot sauce...



Blogger Dick said...

"The government has ruled that fish may feel pain"

The also taste great when fried.

03 July, 2007 17:47  
Blogger NZ_Nitrogen said...

New upcoming study: Mosquitoes are in constant pain before death after being sprayed with a pesticide, insecticide, or slapped by the human hand. The government has ruled to press charges against people who harm the "poor, forgotten outcast of the world", "simply trying to retain its rightful place on the evolutionary scale." A person may go to prison for 7 years for taking a mosquito's life.

04 July, 2007 09:56  

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