03 September 2007

Monday Motivation - Wall To Wall Counseling

Thanks to our Political Better's belief that we need an enlightened, PC, kinder, gentler Military to avoid offending, much less killing, anyone, especially our enemies, this very effective form of motivation is now verboten.

But just because clueless bastards that can make rules, but can't spell MRE say U.S. forces can't use this marvelous motivational tool, doesn't mean that it can't be used in day to day life to light a fire under the ass of fuckups in need of a serious cluebatting.


Chapter III: Major offenses

Soldiers found guilty of major transgressions will be punished by the military authorities.

A soldier who kills another soldier will probably be shot. However, long wall-to-wall counseling sessions prior to the arrival of the military police are appropriate in cases where the transgression was against another soldier, and are best conducted in the presence of the wronged soldier. If the wronged soldier is still alive, he or she should be invited to join in to the session, as he or she will feel that revenge is called for and participating in the session will help to heal mental wounds caused by the perpetrator.

Rape

No offense is as damaging to the victim as rape. Murder does not come close, since the victim is dead and knows nothing. A raped soldier will have psychological scars for the rest of his or her life. A male soldier who is the victim of a homosexual rape is especially damaged, and many commit suicide rather than live with this burden immediate wall-to-wall counseling is required, and it must be so severe that bones are broken. Dimension lumber must be used during this session, and the minimum length of the session is three hours. If any part of the rapist's body has not been hit with the board, the session is not complete. At least one arm and one leg will be broken during the session and the testicles will be hit at least ten times.

Murder

Coming close to rape in its severity is murder. The victim will not be able to participate in the counseling, of course. A long counseling session with a baseball bat and jackboots will be initiated and will continue only until the perpetrator is unconscious. Then the murderer must be revived and beat on some more.

Arson

Arson, of course, affects us all. Besides the possibility of losing your life, seeing all your crap go up in smoke and having to sleep in the street for the next three years, arsonists steal unit morale, cohesion and esprit de corps. After all, if you can't trust someone to not burn your place down, how can you trust him in a combat situation? Arsonists are very simple to counsel. They are to be placed in the burning building and the doors are to be locked.

Robbery, burglary and barracks thievery

These crimes also affect unit morale. When a soldier rips off your stuff, all you want to do is kill him. Well, if it's your crap, go ahead and do him in. In fact, do more than that. If however, it wasn't your crap he took, you should let the wronged do the little crap head. Popular punishments for barracks thieves include the soldier falling down the stairs twenty or thirty times. Soldiers have also been penned into their rooms and tear gas powder blown under the door with a hair dryer. Anything cruel is good barracks thieves. In fact, it is best if you hold a formation to make the entire battalion observe the barracks thief being killed. People who do crap like this do not deserve to live, as they are far below contempt. I would rather have Russians distroing message traffic than a barracks thief in the company. And I definitely do not want Russians pulling WSC.

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