23 February 2007

You Will Be Assimilated


We will add your technological and biological Ensure-sucking, walker-pushing insignificance to our own. You will adapt to soil Depends.

Watch the video below. See the Tub O' Guts in the wading pool?? Back in my Medic Days, I would heave folks his size across my shoulders in a Fireman's Carry and tote them down 6 flights of stairs without breaking a sweat because we couldn't get a stretcher around the corners in the staircase.

I was 20 years old then.

Now I'm double that plus 2 (almost 3...).

I've been busy over the past week moving into the new digs, ergo the lack of posting. The first day, the first thing I moved was a 50-odd pound mini-fridge. Carried it the 30-40 feet from the bedroom to the front door, went to open the storm door, and something popped in my back and I'm dropping the fridge, laying on top of it and screaming and crying like a baby because of the pain.

(Just for reference, I moved a full sized fridge/freezer and a washer/dryer set into the joint by myself, without a hand truck, 2 years ago...)

Now a week has gone by and it's all I can do to drag my painfully semi-animated, non-corpse to the head in a zombie-like shamble to take a dump.

So, the next time you're admiring your pert, firm, gravity-defying tits or your washboard abs, or your full head of non-gray/white hair in the mirror and thinking that you're 9 ft. tall and bullet proof, remember this:

Face lifts are irrelevant.

Hair transplants are irrelevant.

Viagra is irrelevant.

Resistance is futile.

You will become one with the Old Fucks.

NO ONE HERE GETS OUT ALIVE...


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