Valentine's Day Pop Quiz

Q: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A: A widow.

Q: Why are married women heavier than single women?
A: Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?
A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Q: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
A: When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Q: Why do men fart more than women?
A: Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

Q: What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
A: Divorced.

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
A: When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.

Q: Why do women have tits?
A: So men will talk to them.

Q: Why do women close their eyes during sex?
A: They can't stand to see a man have a good time.

Q: What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
A: A women who won't do what she's told.

Q: What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS, half with yeast infections?
A: A whine and cheese party

Q: Why is it called PMS?
A: Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.