05 December 2006

Bond, Gay Bond. Say It Ain't So!!!

"Daniel Craig is urging movie bosses to revolutionise the James Bond franchise by including a gay scene involving the superspy in the follow-up to Casino Royale."

Danny-boy is urging the poofters in charge to kill off the Bond franchise by switching Bond's preferred smoke from a Turkish blend to Pole.
"The heart-throb actor has also reportedly told studio chiefs he is prepared to film a full frontal nude scene to please both his male and female admirers."

While Bond has wielded some weird weapons in the last 40-odd years, this male fan doesn't want to see him swinging THAT sword. I take it for granted that he packs a lethal weapon in his pants because he converted die-hard lesbian Pussy Galore with one shot. I don't need blue veined proof.
"He says: "Why not? I think in this day and age, fans would have accepted it."

Just because Danny-boy has "accepted" a lot of "things" (draw your own mental picture), the fan base that would accept "Bond, Gay Bond" is not large enough to keep the franchise alive. The fans that have kept Bond viable and in the theaters since the early 60's would more readily accept one of those old 5-minute opening scenes before the starting credits in which Bond gets a bullet in the brain from SPECTRE and dies, providing an honorable death to the series.
"I mean, look at Doctor Who - that has had gay scenes in it and no one blinks an eye."

Which explains why the good doctor's fanbase is so much smaller than Bond's, and why they haven't been making Dr. Who films for 40+ years. In the interests of full disclosure, I've never been a fan of Dr. Who, so I really can't make the call one way or another. But I guarn-damn-tee you more people around the world know about James Bond than Dr. Who. I can see the poll now:

"Which one do you know more about: James Bond or Dr. Who?"

"OH!! James Bond, Agent 007, MI5, License to Kill, cool gadgets, cool cars, BOND GIRLS!!

What was the other choice?? Dr. who???"

Stock up now on those 007 DVD's, because if this abomination come to pass, it'll kill the franchise and make the "real" Bond flix collectors items.

But in case this monstrous idea does not get aborted, and Danny-boy doesn't get tossed on the One Bond Wonder heap like George Lazenby, here is a list of possible titles for the next film:
(With thanks to the folks over at The Rott via Instant Bark.)

Dr. Blow
From The Bathhouse With Love
Brown Finger, Gold Lame`
Thunderous Balls, Thunderballs
You Only Felch Twice
In His Majesty's Secret Entrance
Sequins are Forever
Live and Let Felch
The Man with the Golden Shaft
The Spy Who Rimmed Me, The Spy Who Brokebacked Me
For Your Browneyes Only
GotNoPussy, Octobunghole
A View To A Pole
The Living Gaylights, Fucked The Living Daylights Outta Him
License To Drill
Tomorrow Never Dies, But AIDS Will KILL Your Dumb Ass
Nine Inches Is Not Enough
Rim Another Day
Casino Glory-Hole
Never Say Never Again Little Bitch-Boy

Feel free to leave your suggestions in the comments and I'll add them to the list.


Anonymous Sniper One said...

Always a pitcher, never a catcher be

Gay Bond?! So not right!

06 December, 2006 20:28  

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