09 February 2008

Global Warming Eats Local Man's Truck, Ranger To The Rescue

A week ago on Thursday here in S.E.MO. we got 4-6" of snow over a thin layer of sleet. Friday, I'm out toolin' around, enjoyin' a snow day off from the zoo..., er...um... I mean, the school bus, T.C.B., when The Ol' Lady calls and sez one of her employees is stuck in the snow in his driveway, and could I go by and extricate him...

Sure, sez I. I know Dude has a 2WD full size Chevy PU, and figger that he's got that light ass-end, no-traction thing going on and just needs a little tug to get outta the driveway....


He's slid outta the driveway and into the ditch at the end of it, and while trying to get out, has buried the thing to the axle in the snow and mud.

So, here I am in my '98 4.0 4x4 Ranger thinkin', "I ain't got the ballast to get enuff bite on this slick shit to yank THAT out, especially with these no-tread havin' tires... But I'm here, let's give it a shot." I get turned around, and lined up, flip the switch to 4LO, and back up so Dude can hook up the tow rope.

I take up the slack, he mounts up and gives me the "GO". The Ranger starts slipping sideways until it centers on the load then starts spinning all fours. Back off and try again. Same-same. I tell Dude, "I'm gonna give it a little jerk..." I give it a little slack and then bump it. Seems like we make a couple inches of forward movement.


"Let's try that again, a little harder..." BUMP!! It seems to break loose. "One more time." BUMP!! and she comes out and I proceed to pull the Chevy to the top of the hill where he D/C's the rope and parks where he can drive out until the snow melts off.

Muchos Gracias's ensue and the offer of a shot or 3 of Primo Woda back at the crib are accepted.

"Can you make it up the drive??", sez he. "Dunno, it's kinda steep, but I'll give 'er a shot", sez I. And rubbing his nose in the awesome Ranger Greatness he has just been witness to, I proceed up his drive without slipping a tire.

"DAMMIT!!! I gotta get me a truck like that!!!", sez he.

(P.S. That's my drop top 25th Anniversary Pony GT 5.0 H.O. in the background...)


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