I Just Drive The Bus

(Bonus points if you can name the movie the title comes from...)

Started a new job driving a school bus, transporting baby wannabe thugs from the 'hood to middle, junior and senior high schools, so blogging has been light because after getting back home from that rolling primate house called a bus route, the last thing I wanna do is have to think.

I miss the good ol' days when if you fucked up on the bus, the driver warned you and if you didn't listen, he either kicked your ass on the bus or kicked your ass off of the bus, and after you got home, your folks kicked your ass for being a fuck-up.

Now, if you even look like you might touch one of those pwecious widdle angels, you get shit canned and sued. Even if some cock-knocker 5th grader instigates it by saying, "I'll punch you in your bald-ass head...", don't you dare turn around and tell him, "Try it, you little coffee with extra cream skin tone, just enough nigger in the wood pile to claim to be black mother fucker and I'll fuck you up so bad your illegitimate grand-children will be retarded."

When I started, I thought the biggest problems would be from the older kids. In fact, other than an issue about the possibility that I could be a racist, ("I'm not a racist. I hate everyone equally.") the Jr./Sr. High kids are fairly well behaved. Of course, it didn't start out like that.

The first couple of days, they wanted to see how far they could push and how much I would take. I told them that the bus was my world and as soon as they stepped on board, they were just living in it, and my word was law. After some insubordination from a psuedo-diva, we took a trip back to the school, they tried a few aborted attempts at lying about me and the principal then re-enforced the fact that yes, it is my world and they have no say about how it turns, and if they didn't wish to comply, he'd be happy to suspend them, and things have been pretty smooth sailing ever since.

No, the primate house aspect of it comes from the middle schoolers. Screeching, screaming, jumping around, throwing shit, and them KNOWING that you can't lay a finger on them, much less kick their oh, so deserving asses for it. All that can be done is to report the latest fuck up, go to the video tape and wait for the powers that be to figure out what to do.

If we had a suggestion box, I'd offer that we take the 6-10 shit disturbers off of the regular buses, place them all on a single bus with bars on the windows and chains on the seats and an overseer with a Klingon Pain Stick to ride herd on them. Hell, I'd volunteer to drive that bus.

And the first one to throw a rock at the back of, or offer to punch me in my head...

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZOOOOOOOOTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!

FUCK YOU AND DIE !!!

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad wants to visit Ground Zero during his NYC visit.

NYPD's response??

Pork: It's What's For Lunch During Ramadan: Stuffed Pork Loin Chops Stuffed with Caramelized Onions

Stuffed Pork Loin Chops Stuffed with Caramelized Onions

2 ea boneless pork loin chops — 1" thick
2 oz gruyere — sliced
1 lg onion — peeled, halved, and sliced into half rounds
2 tbsp butter
1 tbsp olive oil
1 1/2 tbsp red wine vinegar
1/4 c port
salt and pepper

Melt butter in a large sauce pan over over low heat. Add onions and stir to coat. Cover and cook until onions caramelize — about 30 minutes — stirring frequently.

Heat oven to 400F and heat olive oil in a cast-iron skillet over medium high heat.

Cut a deep pocket in the side of each chop and stuff with sliced gruyere. Liberally season with salt and pepper. Brown one side of chops — about 4 minutes. Turn chops over and place skillet in the oven. Cook chops for about another 5 minutes. Remove from oven and tent with foil.

Meanwhile, place onions over medium heat and stir in vinegar. Reduce vinegar to a glaze. Add port and reduce to a glaze. Season lightly with salt and pepper.

Serve chops topped with caramelized onions.

Pork: It's What's For Lunch During Ramadan: Chicken-Fried Pork Chops with Andouille-Milk Gravy over Buttermilk Mashed Potatoes

(Quick and dirty repost of last year's recipe 'cause I'm tired and almost forgot about how hungry our 'slim friends will be at lunch time. So fix extra and share with Abdul at lunch.)


Well kiddies, it's that time of year again, 13 Sept 2007 is the first day of the Pisslamic holiday Ramadan. From 13 Sept until 12 Oct one of the things the muslim hordes will do to celebrate Ramalamadingdong is observing a sunup to sundown fast.

(From factmonster.com)

Fasting serves many purposes. While they are hungry and thirsty, Muslims are reminded of the suffering of the poor. Fasting is also an opportunity to practice self-control and to cleanse the body and mind. And in this most sacred month, fasting helps Muslims feel the peace that comes from spiritual devotion as well as kinship with fellow believers.

Mebbe a mushroom cloud over mecca would remind these goat-raping, camel-piss drinking backwards-assed primitive motherfuckers of the suffering of the poor families of the folks they've beheaded on camera while practicing their self-control...

Well, because I hate (muslims) to see anybody going hungry, I've decided to post a daily, delicious pork recipe that you can prepare and share with your muslim friends for lunch. So let's get the party started with some yummy pork chops...

Chicken-Fried Pork Chops with Andouille-Milk Gravy over Buttermilk Mashed Potatoes

22 saltine crackers, finely crushed
3/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons flour
1 teaspoon salt, divided, plus more for seasoning
3/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper, divided, plus more for seasoning
3/4 teaspoon Emeril's Original Essence, recipe follows
3/4 teaspoon baking powder
2 large eggs
3 cups plus 1/3 cup whole milk
8 boneless breakfast pork chops (small, thin cuts, about 1/4-inch thick each)
2 to 2 1/2 cups vegetable oil
8 ounces cooked and crumbled andouille sausage
Buttermilk Mashed Potatoes, recipe follows

In a shallow bowl combine the crushed crackers, 3/4 cup of flour, 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper, Essence, and baking powder.

In a separate small bowl, whisk together the eggs and 1/3 cup of milk.

Season pork chops lightly with salt and freshly ground pepper on both sides. Dust pork chops, one at a time, with the cracker-flour mixture and then dip in the egg mixture. Dredge pork chops with the cracker-flour mixture a second time, pressing to coat, and shaking off any excess flour.

Heat the oil to 375 degrees F in a large skillet with 2-inch deep sides. (The oil should be about 1/4-inch deep.) Add the pork chops to the preheated oil, being careful not to over-crowd the pan. Pan-fry the chops for 2 minutes, or until golden brown. Turn the pork chops and cook an additional 2 to 3 minutes, or until golden brown and cooked through. Place the pork chops on a paper towel-lined plate and keep warm while you make the gravy.

Carefully discard most of the oil from the pork chops, reserving 2 tablespoons plus any browned bits in the bottom of the skillet. Heat the oil over medium-low and add the andouille sausage, stirring until warmed through and fragrant. Add the remaining 2 tablespoons of the flour to the oil-sausage mixture, stirring constantly to keep from burning, about 2 minutes. In a slow, steady stream, add the remaining 3 cups of milk, 1/2 cup at a time, whisking continuously. Bring the gravy mixture to a simmer, and cook 8 to 10 minutes, or until slightly thickened. Season the gravy with the remaining 1/2 teaspoon of salt and remaining 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper. Serve immediately over chicken fried pork chops and buttermilk mashed potatoes.

Buttermilk Mashed Potatoes

2 pounds Idaho potatoes, peeled and cut into 1-inch pieces
1 1/4 cups buttermilk
4 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper

Place the potatoes in a medium pot and cover with cold water by 1-inch. Bring to a boil, and reduce heat to medium-low. Simmer, uncovered, until the potatoes are fork tender, 15 to 20 minutes. Drain potatoes in a colander.

Return the potatoes to the cooking pot and add the buttermilk, butter, salt, and black pepper. Mash with a potato masher or heavy fork until fluffy, about 4 minutes. Adjust seasonings with salt and pepper, to taste. Place potatoes in an ovenproof dish and cover with aluminum foil. Place mashed potatoes in a low (275 degree F) oven to keep warm until ready to serve with the pork chops.

Emeril's ESSENCE Creole Seasoning (also referred to as Bayou Blast)

2 1/2 tablespoons paprika
2 tablespoons salt
2 tablespoons garlic powder
1 tablespoon black pepper
1 tablespoon onion powder
1 tablespoon cayenne pepper
1 tablespoon dried oregano
1 tablespoon dried thyme

Combine all ingredients thoroughly.

Yield: 2/3 cup

9-11 +6: Never Forget, Never Forgive, Never Again.

TUESDAY MORNING

HEROES

THAT DAY

HEART ATTACK


(Special thanks to Cox and Forkum for these cartoons.)

Peroidic Table Update

(From J at CIA...)

Recent hurricanes and gasoline issues are proof of the existence of a new chemical element. Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years; It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

(From Jackboot in comments...)

Addendum: While not undergoing normal decay processes, it nonetheless emit a dangerous form of radiation known as Taxetrons even after it reaches isotopic stability. Taxetron rays are known to cause a decrease in the monetary income of anyone exposed to the slightest dose and their energy is proportional to natural logarithm of the number of morons, CUBED.

Poor Man's Smart Bomb

Amazing Improvised Smart Bombs

Here's a case of smart bombs with a clever, and unexpected, twist. The Lebanese air force created an improvised helicopter bombing system for their recent operations against several hundred Islamic terrorists who had barricaded themselves in a northern town (technically a Palestinian refugee camp).

Needing some precision bombing, so as not to hurt nearby civilians (who refused to be evacuated), bomb racks from retired Mirage 3 jets were mounted on the underside of American UH-1 helicopters. The landing skids were lengthened a bit for this. The bomb release mechanism from the Mirage 3 was then installed in the helicopters.

Instead of smart bombs, the helicopter crews carried 500 and 900 pound dumb bombs, but flew them to GPS coordinates of their targets then, at an altitude of about 3,500 feet, and released the bombs.

The accuracy was amazing, usually the same as GPS guided smart bombs (within 33 feet of the GPS coordinates). Troops on the ground, or the helicopter crew, could use laser rangefinders equipped with GPS (a commercially available product) to get the coordinates of the target. Then, using the GPS in the helicopter, you fly the chopper until you are right over those coordinates.

Apparently no one ever realized that by combining GPS and a hovering helicopter with bomb racks, you can get about the same accuracy as a JDAM. Of course, one other factor was keeping down the ground fire. The army troops surrounding the terrorists could open fire as the helicopter approached, to make the bad guys keep their heads down.

Bombing attacks could also be made at night, to make it more difficult for machine-gun fire to hit the choppers. At 3,500 feet, a UH-1 is a pretty small target. And at night, very difficult to hit from the ground.

Firearms 101 For The MSM - Shooty VS. No-Shooty

Monday Motivation - Wall To Wall Counseling

Thanks to our Political Better's belief that we need an enlightened, PC, kinder, gentler Military to avoid offending, much less killing, anyone, especially our enemies, this very effective form of motivation is now verboten.

But just because clueless bastards that can make rules, but can't spell MRE say U.S. forces can't use this marvelous motivational tool, doesn't mean that it can't be used in day to day life to light a fire under the ass of fuckups in need of a serious cluebatting.

Chapter III: Major offenses

Soldiers found guilty of major transgressions will be punished by the military authorities.

A soldier who kills another soldier will probably be shot. However, long wall-to-wall counseling sessions prior to the arrival of the military police are appropriate in cases where the transgression was against another soldier, and are best conducted in the presence of the wronged soldier. If the wronged soldier is still alive, he or she should be invited to join in to the session, as he or she will feel that revenge is called for and participating in the session will help to heal mental wounds caused by the perpetrator.

Rape

No offense is as damaging to the victim as rape. Murder does not come close, since the victim is dead and knows nothing. A raped soldier will have psychological scars for the rest of his or her life. A male soldier who is the victim of a homosexual rape is especially damaged, and many commit suicide rather than live with this burden immediate wall-to-wall counseling is required, and it must be so severe that bones are broken. Dimension lumber must be used during this session, and the minimum length of the session is three hours. If any part of the rapist's body has not been hit with the board, the session is not complete. At least one arm and one leg will be broken during the session and the testicles will be hit at least ten times.

Murder

Coming close to rape in its severity is murder. The victim will not be able to participate in the counseling, of course. A long counseling session with a baseball bat and jackboots will be initiated and will continue only until the perpetrator is unconscious. Then the murderer must be revived and beat on some more.

Arson

Arson, of course, affects us all. Besides the possibility of losing your life, seeing all your crap go up in smoke and having to sleep in the street for the next three years, arsonists steal unit morale, cohesion and esprit de corps. After all, if you can't trust someone to not burn your place down, how can you trust him in a combat situation? Arsonists are very simple to counsel. They are to be placed in the burning building and the doors are to be locked.

Robbery, burglary and barracks thievery

These crimes also affect unit morale. When a soldier rips off your stuff, all you want to do is kill him. Well, if it's your crap, go ahead and do him in. In fact, do more than that. If however, it wasn't your crap he took, you should let the wronged do the little crap head. Popular punishments for barracks thieves include the soldier falling down the stairs twenty or thirty times. Soldiers have also been penned into their rooms and tear gas powder blown under the door with a hair dryer. Anything cruel is good barracks thieves. In fact, it is best if you hold a formation to make the entire battalion observe the barracks thief being killed. People who do crap like this do not deserve to live, as they are far below contempt. I would rather have Russians distroing message traffic than a barracks thief in the company. And I definitely do not want Russians pulling WSC.

Sign, Sign, Everywhere A Sign