09 June 2006

Odds And Ends

This is why I don't watch the news anymore...

http://www.illwillpress.com/newz.html

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Marine Corps Sensitivity Training (found at www.imao.us/)

"So, it's important not to shoot children," the Marine officer said, "unless they got it coming. Any questions?"

"Can we still shoot midgets?" Buck the Marine asked.

"Sure. The important thing is we don't want any wanton slaughter of civilians, because them Democrats love that and will use that to pull us out. Then, you won't get to kill anyone, and you don't want that, do you?"

"No, sir!" the Marines shouted.

"Can't we just shoot the Democrats?" Gomez asked.

"No, they ain't foreign, stupid," Buck told him.

"Hey, I was just trying to think outside the box.

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In an effort to standardize workload measurements, it is requested that all employees please use the following definitions when quantifying the amount of work accomplished in a given time. (Metric conversions also provided below.)

(chart from www.softgreenglow.com/wp/

“Work-load measurements”

1-Load = The amount of work you can reasonably get done in 8 hours

1-Buttload = 1 Load plus your lunch break

1-Assload = 1 Buttload plus any and all breaks you are alotted

1-Shitload = Assload x 1.5

1- Fuckload = Shitload x 1.5

These are Standard American Equity measurements only.

Their Metric equivalents are as follows:

1-Loade = The amount of work you can get done in 4 hours

1-Bumloade - 1 Loade plus, the time normally spent complaining you are required to do too much work

1-Arseloade - 1 Bumloade, plus the time spent attempting to make the perfect pot of coffee (or spot of tea)

1-Shatload - 1 Arseload, plus you have someone else fill out your union grievance forms

There is no Fuckload Equivalent. Euros don’t work that hard.

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From the Department of Groovy Shit:

http://earth.google.com/ - Hi-res, Hi-altitude aircraft and satellite photography overlayed with various mapping options, i.e. Highways. I found my crib and saw my car...

http://codefromthe70s.org/desktopearth_dl.asp - Desktop wallpaper program that shows the earth from space with day/night shadowing, weather systems in the lighted areas, city lights in the night. I have mine centered on CDT (GMT -6), updating every 5 minutes. There are other options as well...

http://setiathome.berkeley.edu/ - "E.T., This is Apu, customer service rep. from Springular NexMobil Telzon Inter-galactic, inc., and we need to speak about your overdue account..." Use the downtime your 'puter spends turned on, but not gaming or surfing porn, to search for E.T.

Receive downloads from ground stations around the world and use your free processing time and their software to analyze signals from space and look for a inter-galactic hook-up... ( I could go for one of those Orion slave girls...)

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